Vampires » romania

Mooooo!

Moonlight — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 13:00:53 +0000

Before I get to the point of this post I’d like to point out that the cow pictured on your left looks fucking-crazy. Look at its eyes! They’re pits of evil… crazy soul sucking evil. Creepy cow. *glares at cow*

Anyway! Time to get to the vampires. As I am sure you probably guessed, cows are involved (no, sorry I don‘t randomly post cow pictures just for the hell of it). Today’s post is actually about a Romanian vampire species known as the strigoaica. This strange vampire it a bit different than other vampires since it doesn’t drink blood but instead feeds on the life-force of cows by sucking out their milk, leaving the animal with none left.

There is a story straight from Romanian folklore about a poor strigoaica who had no cow of her very own, so the lonely vampire was forced to keep a wooden cow in her house. She kept this wooden cow and filled it with the stolen milk of her neighbor’s cows. Odd story, but most folk tales are.

Then there is another story about the strigoaica, this one has some moral Christian elements mixed in. It tells of the punishment waiting for thieving vamp, as she went to confession and guiltily told the priest that she had been taking powers and milk from other people’s cows. The angry priest ordered her to take some butter made from the milk and to smear it on a tree in the forest. Three days after she did this she was told to go back and see what had happened. When she returned to the tree she found that many types of creatures were in the butter, such as bugs, insects and snakes. She went back to the priest to tell him what she found; the priest then told the strigoaica that these creatures would suck her blood out in the next world, because she had stolen so much power in this one.

Lesson learned: Don’t fuck with cows.

- Moonlight

The Children of Judas

Moonlight — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 13:00:44 +0000

How about we mix together a pinch of vampire lore with a dash of Jesus and a handful of evil. You know what you get? Read on and see…

Religion and vampires clashing isn’t anything new of course, so an incredibly evil and vicious clan of vampires called the Children of Judas shouldn’t be too huge of a shock… or is it.

This group of ruthless bloodsuckers were once found in Serbia, Bulgaria and Romania and you could recognize them due to their blood-red hair. These guys are known mainly by oral traditions, but even with so little known about them they are still considered one of the worst of the Balkan undead.

They were supposedly the spawn of the betrayer, Judas Iscariot, whose hair was also said to be red. This clan of Judas’ wicked vampires were said to have the power to drain their victim’s blood and life force with a single kiss or bite. When they bite down, the tradition says that they left a scar behind in the shape of XXX, which signifies the thirty pieces of silver Judas received for betraying Jesus Christ.

Wicked right?

If you’re a fan of The Tomb of Dracula Marvel Comics series you may have heard of the Children of Judas before. In the comic they are the servants of Dracula and cause all sorts of horror filled suffering for the famous Dr. Van Helsing. But that’s not all; they were also mentioned in the short story A Kiss of Judas by X.L. (real name Julian Osgood Field). In this story the author adds that there is only way to kill a Child of Judas; a person must first commit suicide and then make a deal with Satan, who allows them to return in vampire form to destroy who they choose. The ending of this short story is said to be absolutely amazing, unfortunately finding it is very difficult.

- Moonlight

Leech Lover Facts: Part 3

Moonlight — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 13:00:22 +0000

It’s been a while since I have done a “Leech Lovers Facts” post, so you’re all getting one today. For those of you new readers this is where I post some random bits of delicious vampire info; for past posts check out Leech Lovers Facts Part One and Part Two.

Whiskey: In Romania this booze is known as rachia and once they used it to prevent a vampire from returning home to feast upon its old relatives. The family would first bury a bottle of whiskey with the corpse, the say, “drink this and go away, and don’t come home!” While the vampire drinks the whiskey and prepares to travel to some other village, the family members go home in silence. You see, if they speak the spell is broken and they are vulnerable to attack.

Bebarlangs: This is a tribe found in the Philippines that supposedly had members who practiced a kind of psychic vampirism. They had the ability to send out their astral bodies to prey on fellow tribe members or on strangers. They fed not on blood but on the vitality or life force of others.

Deafula: This 1974 flick was the very first full-length movie for the hearing impaired, all the dialog in the film is done in sign language. It’s about a student becoming a vampire and going after his classmates.

Roses: Some once belived that the petals and fragrance of the roses were a terrible bane to all evil, including, witches, werewolves and vampires. Its aroma repels them, and its flowers burn them like acid. In Romania they placed a branch of wild rose over a corpse to prevent its return as a vampire. When placed upon a grave, the rose will supposedly trap a vampire within the earth.

Sun Block: Vampires going out into the sun thanks to the use of sun block (probably not SPF 30) was used in two movies, Blade and Sundown: The Vampire in the Retreat.

- Moonlight

True Blood, Season 2 Episode 7

annimi — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 17:38:04 +0000

Andy didn’t give up after all! He’s still running through the woods, drunk as a skunk, and still falling repeatedly on his face. In the clearing at the big orgy, Eggs is manhandling Sam, and slams him onto a rock. Tara leans over, with completely black eyes, tells him to give in, and licks his face. Sam asks what Maryann did to her, but Tara is too tweaked to notice, and besides, –Maryann is now the bull creature with huge slimy claws, and she’s dancing Sam’s way! Suddenly, Andy breaks into the clearing and sees all this weird shit going on; gun in hand, he accidentally fires a shot into the ground. All the mindless zombies at the orgy suddenly start screaming and flipping out, –Sam gets the chance to escape, and does, first head-butting Eggs, and then flat out punch Daphne right in the face, –hey, you might not advocate hitting girls, but that crazy bitch deserved it. Sam is running through the trees, with the nasty Maryann bull creature behind him doing some kind of weird ass, “I have a mask on my head and an expensive dress on” running motion, that isn’t quite running. Sam turns into an owl and flies away, while back in the clearing, Andy watches the townspeople spaz out.

Cue the intro music! Jace Everett is getting us in the mood for what’s to come, with Bad Things, –and this episode is going to chock full of awesomeness after all the cliffs they left us dangling off of in the last episode. Andy tries shouting and telling the naked townspeople all to freeze, but they ignore him and wander off. Andy spies his cousin, Terry Bellefleur, with Arlene, and without pants on. Andy tries to turn him around, but Terry grabs his hand, twists, and punches his wrists. Arlene claps, cackles, and bounces up and down while Terry screams something like a battle cry. Andy lays there, miserable and in pain, hollering like a stuck pig, while the two lunatics frolic off. In the Fellowship of the Sun’s basement, Sookie calls out to Godric, if he’s there, to let them know that she and Hugo were sent by Isabelle and Eric, to save him. Hugo starts getting all sissified, because he really is claustrophobic, –or maybe just worried about getting caught. Sookie ignores his rant and looks at the neat little board games down there, such as “Send Them Back to Hell” and “Jesus Christ Vampire Exterminator”, –I wonder if the game is based on the movie! Hugo starts freaking out more, and Sookie tries to calm him down.

Hugo suggests, once he’s done with his pussified panic attack, that maybe Stan is trying to bump off Godric and be the new sheriff, since the Fellowship idiots knew exactly who they were the minute they walked in. Sookie doesn’t think Stan would do something that crazy, but Hugo disagrees, –Sookie gets sidetracked, worrying that Bill will come crashing through the church any second, since she knows he sensed her fear. Hugo asks why she’s worried, and Sookie tells him, that they’re about to kill an ancient vampire, and who knows what else they’re capable of. At the hotel, Lorena is fighting to keep Bill in the room; all the ex’s will know this fight when they see it. In the human world this is the “how long can I keep him here before he calls the cops?” fight, but I guess with vampires police aren’t an issue, so it could go on forever. Bill reaches behind Lorena and tries to open the door, but she throws him down and pins him to the floor with a high heel firmly planted over his heart, –and you know, she’s talking all kinds of shit. Bill throws her up off him, and she falls on the floor while he runs for the door, –she gets there first though. Instead of renewing the game, Bill asks why she’s there, and she answers that she’s missed him.

Yeah, bucket loads, it looks like. Flashback! It’s Los Angeles in 1935, and Bill is reading books, –oh no! Not books! Lorena returns from a music, bitching about how cheerful they are, –duh, –and she’s brought him home a present, one of the chorus girls, and blonde as well. The drawn on pencil thin eyebrows are making my stomach turn. Now both women are wearing them! Lorena introduces Francis the chorus girl, to Alfred, the rich tormented vampire who is actually Bill. Francis starts dancing the music on Bill’s little record player, and it’s cute but absolutely not sexy. Bill crankily turns the player off, and Lorena excuses him, because he’s “in one of his moods.” Probably guilty for killing all those people and wallerin’ around in their blood, but, nothing serious. Lorena starts to glamour Francis for him, but Bill stops her and tells her he meant what he said, “No more!” –oh, looks like Bill has given up his wild lifestyle! Lorena tries to seduce Bill with food, and while, usually it works, when it’s a person that’s the food, maybe there are hidden angles. Bill almost gives in, but tells Francis to leave before he bites her.

Lorena calls him a wet blanket, and she wonders why she bothers; Bill retorts the same, “Why do you?” and instead of answering, she suggests they move back to the south, which might pulled him out of being depressed. Bill tells her he isn’t depressed, he’s seeing clearly for the first time in years, and that he can’t stand the sight of her. Odd, –it’s only been nine years since he was butchering people cheerfully with her. Most serial killers take longer to experience a change of heart. Lorena is hurt, as much as a cold bitch like her can be, and tries to keep Bill from leaving, –he gives her the long speech about how he doesn’t want to kill innocent people anymore, and so on. But Lorena tries to tell him he’ll outgrow his conscience, and they’ll get through it, “together.” Bill grabs her and tells her he’ll never be what she wants him to be, and walks off. She grabs a lamp and throws it at him, but he catches it. Back to the future; Bill tells Lorena from the sofa that if Sookie is hurt, he’ll hunt her down and stake her. Lorena says in awe, “It’s true, you’re in love with a human,” –awww, someone’s feelings are hurt. Lorena tries to laugh it off, but we know she’s really just a big sissy.

On the hill above the Fellowship of the Sun church, Eric stands looking down with Isabelle, and states, “You’ve got to be joking me,” –he thinks their army is pathetic, but Isabelle tells him not to underestimate them, since they’re all nuts and gaining support, –and willing to die. Eric says that can be easily arranged, but Isabelle doesn’t wan to attack them until they know if Godric is there. Eric brings up Hugo and Sookie being inside too long, but Isabelle says there’s no sign of alarm, and she’d know if Hugo was in danger. Hmm, now why isn’t she feeling Hugo’s alarm bells going off? Taken hostage, trapped in a basement with a vampire? Sookie’s bells are ringing, and Bill has an excuse from gym class, –he’s fighting an angry ex this evening. But Hugo doesn’t have an excuse. Uh oh. Eric asks Isabelle why she finds human companionship fulfilling, and she tells him because humans feel more, maybe because their lives are temporary. Eric remarks that they don’t “keep well”, –ew, –and asks whether she finds the prospect of him growing old, and icky repulsive. Isabelle says no, she finds it curious, like a science project; oh, isn’t she sweet?

Isabelle asks Eric how Bill feels about his interest in Sookie, and Eric grumbles and says he isn’t interested in Sookie or how Bill feels, and that his only interest is finding Godric. Isabelle, all sly, just says, “of course,” but Eric tells her not to look at him like that, and changes the subject back to Godric’s inexplicable capture by the lunatics from the Fellowship of the Sun. Stan thinks it’s possible, Isabelle says, but she thinks it’s hard to believe that anything could overpower him. Eric agrees, not anything human. In the church’s balcony, Jason and Sarah are cuddled up, and Sarah is bawling again. When Jason asks why, she tells him because she’s happy, because now she knows she loves Jason, and he looks at her, finally, like she’s lost her mind. Uh, yeah, obviously. Sarah, overjoyed, gets up and tells Jason they have to go tell Steve! Just because she broke her marriage vows, doesn’t mean she’s ready to throw all her beliefs “out th’ winda!” Jason tries to stop her, seeing as how Steve has an armory in his house, and there’s the lock-in.

Sarah Newlin doesn’t get the big picture, but she does remember that she has to do the morning ceremony, and the lock-in thing as a “responsibility to God” before she can fulfill any responsibilities to her heart. She puts her panties back on and reassures him that even though she’ll be standing beside Steve, she’ll only be thinking of Jason. She runs off and leaves Jason with the “Oh, shit,” look on his face. At the hotel, Hoyt and Jessica are in bed, making out, and sex is in the air! Hoyt confides to Jessica that he’s never “done it… with a girl, I mean,” and Jessica, eyes wide, asks “What have you done it with?” Yeah, no shit, Hoyt. What the hell? He says, “myself,” and we all take a breath of relief. Jeez. Jessica says, “Oh so you’re a virgin,” and Hoyt nods like it causes physical pain to admit it. But Jessica admits that she’s one too, and she’s not a slut just because she’s a vampire. But, if she could have gotten away with it, she could have. Hoyt says he wanted to wait to have sex, until he found a nice girl, –but oops! Took him a while, didn’t it?

Jessica says she wants to be his first, –gasp! Hoyt gets all excited and Jessica puts down the shades, and drops her robe. Oh boy. Hoyt asks “Now?” but Jessica says nah, she just has to go to bed, since it’s almost dawn, but that they can cuddle. She tells him not to freak out if she looks dead. That shouldn’t be a problem, since it’s an all-the-time kind of thing. They snuggle up and Hoyt, remains in his pants. God, that must be uncomfortable. Back at Godric’s nest, Stan speculates that Sookie and Hugo have run off and maybe joined the Fellowship, but Isabelle tells him to watch his mouth, –Stan says if she cared about him, they’d have been in there hours ago. Eric, in front of them, gets shit from Stan too, but Eric isn’t taking it. He pins Stan and asks if he’s questioning Eric’s loyalty, but goes on to accuse him of murdering Godric. Isabelle stops them from fighting, reminding Eric there’s no proof. Eric turns, and tells them he doesn’t care what they, if Godric’s gone then nothing can replace his loss. A blood tear falls as he leaves. Poor Eric.

At Sookie’s house, Tara and Eggs are sleeping off their wild night of screwing, boozing, pseudo-possession, and nearly killing a man, on the couch. Tara wakes up, and wakes Eggs, asking what the hell they’re doing on the couch. Tara, unsettled, says she doesn’t remember anything after following a trail of clothes into the woods, and Eggs doesn’t either. Eggs thinks it might be the pot, but Tara doesn’t, –even though according to Eggs, Maryann’s weed is “some serious shit.” She probably laces it with cyanide, cowboy. Tara reminds Eggs of the weird place they went yesterday in the woods, that Eggs had been to, but couldn’t remember, –Eggs cuts her off, and tells her it had nothing to do with getting high and passing out. Tara tells him she thinks they need to sober up and lay off the weed, –yeah, because you know, once it’s interfered with work, and made your life hell, making you black out is obviously over the limit. Eggs tries to comfort Tara by telling her she isn’t her mama just because she got too stoned. No, but it does make you an irresponsible imbecile who makes excuses for her actions. A-dur.

Tara tells him that sometimes it’s like he can read her mind, but Eggs tells her he just gets her. They kiss and get all cute together. Aww, egghead and the delinquent bitchy woman. So sweet. Sam Merlotte crashes into the bar, pulling a shirt over his head, and heading back to his office, looking around in paranoia to make sure no one’s fixing to jump out and get him. Shit, I would too; the whole town has lost its damn mind. He reaches up into the fireplace, and takes out a cloth wrapped pistol, ready for anything if more shit should be poured onto the fan. Steve Newlin heads down to the basement, calling, “Mornin!” and offers Sookie and Hugo ‘refreshments’, and inquires how they slept. Sookie lets them know that they’re knee deep in shit, and that vampires are coming for them, but Steve, and the lunatic Gabe, stand there and confidently assert they’re ready for vampires, and are “surprised” none have shown up yet. Sookie warns them again that they’re about to get themselves good and dead, but Steve is sure of his cause, and there’s nothing more stubborn than a self-righteous Christian.

Sookie tells him that Jesus would be ashamed of him, but Steve laughs it off, and sits in front of Sookie and Hugo’s cage, attempting to apologize for acting nasty, claiming he isn’t the monster that the vampire loving media makes him out to be. Steve tells them that he just wants to get a couple answers, and then they’ll send them on their way. Hugo blurts out that he’s gotta get out of there, and that his name is Hugo Airs or something like that, that her name is Sookie Stackhouse, and they were sent there by the vampires of Area 9 to find their sheriff. However, Steve heard plenty when he heard the name “Sookie Stackhouse” since her brother is right upstairs. Steve makes the connection, and heads off upstairs with Gabe, while Sookie swears her brother doesn’t have anything to do with this, and asks how they know him. They ignore her, and she turns her wrath on Hugo. He starts whining about them needing to get out, and so on, but Sookie tells him flat out to shut the fuck up. Hugo starts tearing things up, and Sookie sits and sends Barry a message, asking him to find Bill Compton, and tell him where she is, and that it’s a life or death situation.

At the hotel, Bill is still awake, refusing to give in to sleep, despite Lorena torturing him. It’s become a standoff; if Lorena sleeps, Bill will take off, and she can’t “allow that”, –her nose starts to bleed, and Bill’s ear is bleeding. He tells her he isn’t suicidal, but Lorena tells him she knows what he’s capable of. Despite Bill telling her it’s foolish to do this, because they’re weakening and “the bleeds have begun”, Lorena stays awake. Bill spies the phone, but Lorena snatches it; apparently, he hadn’t thought of that before. God, duh. He pleads with Lorena, to at least be allowed to call for help, to call Eric since he’s the reason Sookie is in danger; Lorena tells him Eric is also the reason she’s there, and the phone disintegrates in her grip. Lorena tells him Eric wants Sookie, to just let him have her. Bill works himself up for a spaz attack, and we’re back to the Fellowship, where Jason is trying to leave, carrying out all his shit, when Steve Newlin rolls up behind him. Steve cuts him off in his SUV and Gabe jumps out, puts a knife to his throat, and makes him get in the car; they speed away, with Jason captive.

At the sheriff’s office, a dirty, smelly-looking Andy is trying to tell Sheriff Bud Dearborn what happened; his broken arm is in a cast, but that doesn’t stop him from waving it around as he tries to explain. Bud sighs, and looks at him like he’s insane. At Sookie’s house, Tara and Eggs are still sitting their lazy asses on the couch, watch TV, instead of cleaning up the unholy mess in Sookie’s house, or even asking Maryann and her little servant man what the hell went on last night. Maryann wanders in the house with bloody feet, still wearing last night’s dress, and dragging a dead rabbit with her. She’s cheerful enough, and says ‘Good morning,’, despite looking like she’s been killing things with her teeth, which she mostly likely has been. Tara and Eggs stare at her, and ask if she’s okay, but Maryann tells them she’s been sleeping outside, and communing with her animal spirit, then shows them her dead rabbit, “Yummy!” Tara looks like she’s about to gag, and Egg is close behind her, with a “no shit…!” Tara says “Poor bunny,” but Maryann reminds her in a maniacal tone that, feeling sorry is just an excuse not to celebrate your own happiness.

Maryann drapes herself over a chair, the bloody dead rabbit still dangling, and asks them what they did last night, since they’re all “glowy.” Tara doesn’t know, but says they “just hung out”, and asks Maryann if she threw a party, and reminds her that it’s Sookie’s house, –Maryann tells her that Sookie will be happy when she gets home, since Tara took such good care of the place. Maryann wanders off, calling for Carl, while Tara stares at her, and states, “She’s so fuckin weird.” I’m sorry, but trashing my roommate’s house, and bringing home dead shit in the morning is grounds for eviction. Then again, Tara is obviously not firing on all cylinders. In the woods somewhere around the Fellowship, Gabe has Jason with a knife to his throat, while Steve stands there looking like he’s about to cry, hollering at Jason for betraying him. Jason, has no idea that Steve is talking about his sister, and thinks this is all over him screwing Sarah. Jason says he’s “so sorry”, but Steve says he can’t believe he chose “them” over Salvation.

Jason gets confused, and asks who “them” is, but Steve tells him to just drop the act, that he knows who Jason is, and who he works for. Jason, stupefied, asks, “the road crew?” Steve tells Jason he thought he was stupid, but good at following orders, –poor Jason, that wasn’t nice, –and now he finds out that Jason is “snakier than a snake in the grass.” Steve tells him, despite Jason’s ignorance, to say a prayer, that he’s going to hell, today. Steve takes off in the SUV after telling Gab to “take care of him.” Gabe pushes Jason ahead of him, and follows, telling him to “start walking.” Oooh, Jason’s in trouble, but I dunno, –Gabe is old, and Jason’s pretty tough. At the lake, Daphne sits, playing in the water, when Sam walks up behind her, and points his gun at her head, with the hammer back. Daphne recognizes his smell, and says, “Hello, Sam.” Creepy bitch. Sam tells her he’s been looking for her, but Daphne isn’t surprised. She tells him she isn’t afraid to die, but Sam knows she’s afraid of Maryann.

Sam asks Daphne if Maryann putting those scars on her back was how she got Daphne to be her whore. Daphne states it isn’t whoring if it’s done for love, Sam mistakes her for talking about him, claiming she and Sam “had fun,” and Sam hollers at her. Sam tells her he trusted her, and asks her how she could do this to her own kind. Daphne says she used to be just like Sam, “scared, stupid, full of shame,” but Maryann saved her and gave her a whole new life. Yeah, and Sam is the stupid one. Daphne tells him that next to Maryann, he’s a flea, and Sam asks why if he so insignificant, is Maryann going through the trouble of trying to catch him. Daphne tells him, because he got away from her once already. Daphne explains that Maryann can only get inside humans, not “supes”, –supernatural creatures, –and that eve though she can force them to shift, she can’t get inside them, so they have to go to Maryann of their own free will. Daphne tells Sam that Maryann loves a challenge, but Sam tells her he’s not a challenge, he’s a person. Daphne strips, and jumps in the water, inviting Sam, but he asks her angrily, what Maryann is; Daphne says, “She’s god, dum-dum!” Hmm, an interesting hypothesis, although the theory is a little bit of a stretch, since she calls Maryann “God”, not ‘a god.’ Generally, the Christian god isn’t represented with horns and claws.

In the basement, Hugo is hollering to be let out, because he needs to pee, but when Sookie offers him a water bottle, he smacks it away. She tries taking his hand to calm him down, and when she does, she sees inside his head; scenes of Hugo “repenting” with Steve Newlin in the church, eavesdropping on Bill, Sookie, and Eric planning her infiltration of the church, and then his phone call to the church to let them know about the plan. Hugo shakes Sookie off, and she says, “you’re the traitor!” Oooh, uhm, -duh-. Back at the lake, Sam tells Daphne carefully, looking like he’s trying to repress the urge to jump in and choke her to death, that Maryann isn’t God. Daphne says cheerfully, that Maryann is as close to God as they’ll ever get, that she’s been called all kinds of things, but that she’s really a maenad. This is where the whole mythology thing takes a left turn down the path of incorrect: Daphne tells him that maenads were followers of Dionysus, the god of wine, also called “the horned god.” Ah… not really. Sam makes the connection with Satan, –also not correct, but then again, not everyone is a big Greek mythology buff.

Daphne says Satan and Dionysus are all a kind of energy, –not really correct either. She then goes on to explain that it’s lust, excess, violence, anger, “all the fun stuff,” and that Maryann controls it and brings it out in people, and that Maryann is also immortal so there’s no point in fighting her. Sam asks if he gives himself up, will Maryann go away? But Daphne says probably not, since she’s having so much fun. She tries to cozy up to him, but Sam pushes Daphne away, and walks off. In the basement, Hugo is telling Sookie about why he’s a chickenshit pussy, and how he came to betray everyone; he tells her that he used to be just like Sookie, supposedly. Then told her that she wouldn’t know, that he started missing work, being unable to leave them at dark. He tells her that he begged Isabelle to turn him, so they could be together as equals, but he says, they don’t want their human lovers to be equal. He says Isabelle was just using him, just like Bill is using Sookie, and goes on to say what a big trophy a telepath must be for a vampire; that vampires don’t care about anything but their own kind, and that’s why he joined the Fellowship. He goes a bit too far with that one, and Sookie tells him to shut up, and asks why, if the Fellowship cares so much, is he still locked in the basement.

Sookie gets sassy then, and tells him flat out, that to the Fellowship, he is nothing but “a fang-bangin’ traitor,” and when he starts hollering for Gabe, Sookie smirks, and points out just how important Hugo is to them. At the door to the Fellowship, all the crazy vampire haters are getting together for the lock-in, and Sarah is greeting them at the door. Steve approaches and tells her he needs to talk to her in private, about Jason Stackhouse. Oh shit! Sarah Newlin falters just a little bit, and follows him inside. Gabe is driving Jason through the woods at knife-point, and Jason is trying to tell him there’s been a mistake… and this is where Gabe screws up. He moves the knife to snatch Jason up by the hair, and then talks shit about Jason’s mama, and his sister. Ooooh. Jason’s eyes get all big, and he spins around, and knocks Gabe down, telling him not to EVER talk about his sister. Gabe spits out some blood, and ding ding! round one goes to Jason Stackhouse, and to instigate round two, Gabe calls Jason a “sister-fucker.” Jason screams, and rushes Gabe, the bigger guy, and picks him up at the legs, slams him down on the ground, and the fight is on! Jason wins, of course, calls Gabe a “dickbrain”, kicks him in the nuts, and heads off to find out what the hell is going on.

Lafayette is making good on his promise to sell the blood that Pam gave him; while he does his make-up, he manages to sell half a vial. At Merlotte’s, Arlene rushes into work, while Tara and Eggs play kissy-face over the bar. Arlene asks where Sam is, but Tara tells Arlene he took the day off with “Little Miss Employee of the Month”, –ooh, friction. Arlene is overjoyed, and whisks Tara off to the ladies’ room to talk to her. Lafayette is in there, still doing his makeup, and Arlene asks why he’s in there, if it says Ladies on the door, –Lafayette, with his sassy ass, asks why them “skank hos” are in there. Arlene gapes, and Tara calls him a bitch. As Lafayette leaves, Tara asks how his leg is, and when he says “great”, Tara narrows her eyes, and promises him they’ll talk about that later. Lafayette leaves, and Tara closes the door. Arlene, freaking out, tells Tara she’s afraid she did “somethin reeeeal bad.” She explains that she and Terry are dating, but that she couldn’t get him to do anything with her, despite all her seductive methods, and Tara tells her to get to the point. Arlene tells Tara that last night, she tried getting a few drinks into Terry to loosen him up, and that everything was going good, until she blacked out.

Arlene says she thinks she might have ‘had her way’ with Terry, and Tara gapes, asking if she thinks she date raped Terry Bellefleur. Arlene admits that there were “telltale signs” that they did something, –gross, but that she can’t remember a thing. At the bar, Lafayette pours himself a drink, looks Eggs up and down, and says, “Damn,” and reflects on how unfair it is that now that he’s trying to stay out of trouble, it keeps walking in his door. Eggs tries to introduce himself, and shake hands, but Lafayette just stares at him, and remarks that nothing good can come out of something that pretty. Lafayette asks, “Tara’s Eggs?” as Tara approaches, remarking that it really doesn’t sound right, since his name is Benedict, why not have people call him Ben. Lafayette suggests “Dicked,” and Tara snaps, “behave.” Lafayette says, “Satan in a Sunday hat,” which, as you’ll recall, is a family saying when something is too good to be true; Lafayette continues, “Satan in a beautiful ma’fuckin’ Sunday hat.”

Before they can get into it, Andy, lookin’ all kinds of fucked up, slams into the bar hollering for Terry, and threatening to kick his ass. Tara asks him what happened to his arm, and Terry starts a little, and tells her he won’t talk to her, that she is a devil worshipper, and that he saw her last night, her and everyone else. He continues hollering for Terry, but Arlene tells him that Terry ain’t there; when she offers to call him, Andy hollers “Fuck you, zombie woman!” Good god, poor Andy. Sam approaches, just as freaked out as Andy, and this time, for once, is sympathizing with the fat drunk guy. Eggs calls ‘hey’ to Sam, and Arlene tells him he looks like he saw a ghost, while Tara looks at him concerned. Poor Sam is inches away from boozing it up with Andy. At the hotel Carmilla, Hoyt decorates the room with rose petals, candles and soft music plays as Jessica slowly starts to wake up to find a rose on the pillow beside her. Aww, what a sweety. He shows her the candles he got at the gift store downstairs, that are supposed to be “blood scented”, but he says they smell like soup. Huh, that sounds both interesting and gross.

Hoyt asks Jessica if she likes them, and Jessica tells him the room is perfect; he sighs in relief and admits that’s what he was going for, since she’s perfect, and he wants her first time to be perfect, and –God almighty, finally, Jessica interrupts him before he can start jabbering like a nut, and tells him to just take off his pants. He grins, sheds his pants, and hops on the bed with Jessica. In the woods somewhere near the Light of Day Institute, Jason Stackhouse is running down the dirt road at night with Gabe’s knife, when a car approaches behind him; it’s Sarah, driving like a bat out of hell in the go-cart/golf cart thingy. She gets out of the car, and Jason tries to explain Steve and Gabe have lost it, when she shoots him! OMG! Noooo! Not Jason. I was just about to fall out of my chair. That damn Barbie bimbo bitch shot him! Daphne meanwhile, is standing on the dock at the lake where she and swam had their first swim, when Maryann approaches behind her. Daphne tells Maryann she missed her, and Maryann says, “Thank you for your service.” Hmm, not exactly words of love, but –oh shit! A zombified Eggs steps up, and stabs Daphne right in the chest. Maryann grins while Daphne dies.

In the basement, Gabe comes down the stairs to the cage, looking pretty mean, and beat up. Hugo begs to be let out, but Gabe, as predicted, punches him in the face, and calls him nasty names, while he continues beating him up. Even though Hugo betrayed her, Sookie jumps on Gabe’s back, and hollers for him to stop. Gabe slams her into the shelf, and begins choking her, when he threatens to ’show her what she’s been missing’, Sookie screams, and Bill’s eyes widen where he is, sitting without sleep, with Lorena, still at the hotel. Bill starts looking around; he grabs a wooden table, and throws it at the evil bitch, before, but Lorena grabs a piece of the table or chair or whatever, and is at the door at the same moment, with the wooden leg aimed at his back. She threatens to end him if he opens the door, and they flash back to their last fight, when Bill left her in LA, in 1935. Bill begs her to let him leaves, because he doesn’t love her, the guilt over killing for her, is too much to bear, and when he tells her she’s the one afraid of being alone, she throws him down, smashing a wooden table. Bill picks up a piece, and threatens to kill himself if she doesn’t let him leave.

Lorena begins to cry, and tells Bill she can’t live without him; before Bill can kill himself, she stops him, and says, “As your maker, I release you,” while blood tears run down her face. Aww, poor baby. Sad, despite her being a psychotic murderess. At the door where Lorena has Bill pinned, back in the present, he asks what she has to gain, since she’s already released him. Lorena tells him he has no future with Sookie, and that one day, he’ll see Lorena keeping him from her as an act of love. A knock at the door, but Lorena covers Bill’s mouth. Lorena answers and it’s Barry the Bellboy! He tells Lorena that Sookie is being held in the basement with Godric at the Fellowship of the Sun; and while Bill is still pinned by Lorena, Eric overhears from the room across the hall, and is out of his door and gone before Barry even sees anything. Lorena snatches him inside, just as Barry is telling Sookie telepathically that this is the last time he does her and her vampire friends any favors. In the basement of the Fellowship, Gabe is trying to rape Sookie as she struggles to get away, screaming and kicking. Suddenly, Gabe is up in the air;Godric holds him up, dangling him off the floor as though he weighs as much as a towel. He looks a lot different in fluorescent lighting, –but still pretty. That’s where they leave us!

True Blood, Season 2 Episode 5

annimi — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 10:45:12 +0000

We’re at Sookie’s house, or actually, in the yard, where Daphne is leading an awestruck Sam into the woods to explain to him why she knows “what” Sam is. While she walks, she drops one article of clothing at a time, and Sam makes a half-hearted attempt to be in total denial. Daphne patronizes him about carrying his secret, and Sam picks up her discarded panties, –he doesn’t sniff them, but he looks like he wants to. She heads off behind a tree after calling him a fibber, and Sam crankily informs her that she isn’t in the mood. He stumbles around picking up her clothes, and calling for her, and runs into a deer. The deer stares, nods, and Sam says “Hey,” and of course, the deer transforms into a naked Daphne who replies, “Hey your own self.” Sam almost has a coronary, –padding the shocked part a bit much, but it’s convincing! Cue the intro music, Jace Everett has us wiggling and ready for the show!

“Jesus Christ!” Sam repeats the expletive, a couple times, and gosh it’s a good thing everybody has lost their frigging minds, or someone might be offended. Sam waves Daphne’s boots around in shock, jibbering, and pointing. Before Sam and Daphne can get to any full fledged making out, a giggling Arlene and flushed Terry come stumbling up behind them. Terry grins and greets Sam, Arlene gives a snippy greeting to Daphne, before Terry whisks Arlene off to go fool around in the woods. Daphne, naked, kisses Sam on the cheek and runs off, leaving him to bid an awkward farewell to Terry and Arlene. Back at the Hotel Carmilla, as you’ll recall, Sookie is chasing down her newfound friend, the hesitant telepathic, Barry the Bellboy. He’s not interested in knowing Sookie at all, and Sookie is just so excited, she probably wants to hug him and shower him in Hallmark cards and flowers.

A glamoured human stumbles into them, and Sookie grumbles back at him, –Barry warns her not to do that, but she shrugs him off, pointing out that the recently fed on human’s mind is “full of fog and disco music.” Sookie tries in vain to bring Barry around, and asks him telepathically, if he’d ever heard vampire thoughts. Barry gets pale, turns around, and comes back to tell her never to say anything like that, and warns her about the lunatic vampires in Dallas. He stalks off, and Sookie does likewise. In their room, Bill is chastizing Jessica for feeding on a human; her defense is that she ordered him off the menu. Bill sends her to her room when Sookie enters, and of course, Bill is irate that Sookie left the room. Jessica stalks off and slams the door, no doubt planning to order all kinds of raunchy porno off the hotel’s pay-per-view channel, and Bill sets in to warn Sookie about the big bad Dallas vampires. Sookie’s argument is “I’m yours,” and she informs Bill while taking his clothes off; she’s rarin’ and ready to go, but Bill is intent on being the adult. He asks her to just do what she’s told, for her own sake, and Sookie tells him she knows, and basically, will behave.

Sookie isn’t dissuaded from her mood to get all mushy, and reminds Bill that since they’re in a light-tight vampire hotel, he won’t have to leave her in bed alone. Bill tells Sookie his only desire is to keep her safe, and she reaches down to check on his “only desire”, and discovers his statement false. Oh my. The two get all cute and mushy, and poor Jessica, cursed with excellent hearing, tries to smother the grossness by calling Hoyt, who answers the phone by stating, “You’re talkin’ to the man.” Nice. When he realizes it’s Jessica, his big, dumb, and macho act falls through, and he turns back into the sweet little puppy we know and love. Hoyt tells her that he can’t stop thinking about her, and they have a giggly little young love moment, -or would have had, if Hoyt obnoxious mother Maxine Fortenberry hadn’t barged in with her hair in curlers, hissing at him about the late night phone call. Maxine must have vampire hearing, because his cell phone ring tone was not that loud.

Hoyt chases his idiotic mother off, and hunkers down on the phone once more, and Jessica tells him she can’t stop thinking about him either. Jessica tells him she’s bored over there, and Hoyt suggests they watch TV long distance, or he could tell her about his comic book. Jessica agrees to do both, and the two cuties curl up. I hate to be a party-pooper here, but Jessica doesn’t have a cell phone charger to go with the phone she snagged from Leon… that’s going to suck major! At the house full of Bible bangers, Jason is sleeping like a cute little cult member kitten, when some crazed man with an air horn barges in to wake him up, and throw sweats at him. Jason is herded downstairs, stumbling into his sweats and being called names. On the lawn, the rest of the Vampire Slaying 101 class has assembled, while Sarah Newlin and our new friend, the wannabe drill sergeant observe. It’s the ass crack of dawn and she’s wearing blinding pastel yellow sweats, and carrying a clip board, and explaining that God needs their obedience and bla “>bla “>bla “>bla bla bla.

When Jason asks for a bathroom, Sarah Newlin tells him “…not until you’ve earned it,” and Jason is not amused. The weird Bible thumper drill sergeant commands “Drop and gimme 30!” and shoves him down. Sadly, Jason doesn’t bash him. When the Luke-inator laughs, he’s ordered to “Drop and gimme 50!” Haha, neener; Jason and Luke get competitive with their push-ups, and Jason puts one hand behind his back. Oooh, sexy. At Sookie’s house, Tara wakes up beside Eggs, and leans over him to listen to his heart. Yeah, good idea. I’m surprized either of them are alive after all the booze and pot they’ve been sucking down. Eggs is in fact, alive, so Tara leans over to look at Sookie’s birthday present to her; the picture of Gran, with Sookie and Tara as little girls. The creepy one. Any chance of them having sex that morning is obliterated. Oh well. How many people think of their best friend’s grandma when they’re laying in bed with a naked man? Don’t everybody jump up at once.

Eggs sits up beside her, when he notices she’s awake, and mumbles morning-talk to her. You know, the noises you make when you wake up that aren’t quite actual speech? Tara shows Eggs the photo, and tells him what a good person Gran was. Eggs asks what she’d think of him, and Tara tells him that Gran would like him, since she could appreciate a handsome man. Honey, I doubt Gran would be very keen on you screwing him in her house. They talk some more about cutesy romantic things, and Eggs promises her that her first good birthday was only the first of many. Back at Hotel Matte Painting, or uh, -cough- the Hotel Carmilla, Sookie wakes up in the dark beside a sleeping Bill, –it’s still daylight out. Sookie goes downstairs to get breakfast and discovers the true meaning of “Continental Breakfast.” Ah, we all remember the day when we discovered our first selection of miniature cereals, Luke-warm milk, toxic orange juice, barely thawed Danish, and soggy toast in a hotel lobby. Sookie doesn’t falter though, she chooses the Danish, –excellent choice, –before pouncing on Barry once more.

Barry isn’t having it, and asks her why she won’t leave him alone, not all that surprised when she doesn’t pick up the “rhetorical question” hint. She tells him, it’s because she’s never met another telepath, and asks him if he has. Barry tells her no, and not to say the word “telepath”, but Sookie argues. I realize, Barry will eventually be important, but God, Sookie is sure being annoying right now. When Sookie tells him it’s nothing to be ashamed of, Barry argues, telling her it’s impossible for him to think or feel normal unless he’s around vampires. Sookie can sympathize, and does, forcefully. A woman thinking loudly about what a, –yes, a very dirty pun is intended, –pain in the ass a Brazilian wax is, interrupts Sookie and Barry’s discussion. Sookie loudly infiltrates his mind, trying to get him to concentrate in order to shut out the obnoxious woman with several bite marks all over her. He tells the woman looking to be hired as a professional food source to fill out an application, despite their being already fully staffed.

Sookie tries to reassure him that he can control it, but he doesn’t believe her, and isn’t interested, even when she offers to teach him how; he walks off with the woman in the hideous dress and leaves Sookie to steal some bananas. Sookie tries to quietly climb back in bed with Bill, but he wakes up, and she’s busted. She explains to Bill that she met another telepath, even though he’s not nice, or “good at it.” Bill disapproves and warms up for a long, over-protective rant, and Sookie prepares her equally naive defense. The end result is Sookie’s victory, –of course, the woman always wins, or the world falls apart. Bill admits that he feels like a human, and worse yet, like a waitress. Someone from Costumes please, get Bill a pair of those fabulous skimpy booty shorts! Bill, beaten, changes the subject to Eric’s intensity about the mission to find Godric, and Bill tells Sookie he doesn’t trust it. Sookie reassures Bill that they can just do the job, and go home, but Bill thinks Eric might screw them over. Sookie counters that Eric won’t wanna make her mad, because he needs her.

Bill obviously doesn’t like that, but can’t argue, except to say “I can’t lose you.” Sookie tells him he won’t and the two snuggle up. Awww. At Merlotte’s Daphne and Arlene are getting snippy with each other; apparently, Daphne didn’t do her closing prep, but Arlene did. So while Arlene breaks before her shift, Daphne whines for help. Terry shows up to help stock the bar, and is a little awkward and tight lipped with Arlene, who doesn’t get it. Daphne spots him and calls on Terry for help, but Arlene tells him not to, –back and forth, Daphne wants help, Arlene says no, and finally Terry wanders off mumbling. Arlene goes after him, snapping at Daphne as she runs off to comfort Terry. Sam walks in for a quiet word with Daphne about last night; her running off, and leaving him stranded, –and of course he wants to know when they can hook up. She tells him that she just needed a run, and “soon”. Arlene listens in disapprovingly, but before she can put her two cents in, Lafayette walks through the door, quiet and subdued. Arlene rushes up to give him a hug, and Terry is overjoyed. Lafayette asks to talk to Sam and the two head back to Sam’s office.

Sam starts in reaming Lafayette, telling him that they didn’t know what happened to him, whether he was alive or dead, and so on. Lafayette says “Sorry,” but with none of his usual sass and quip. Sam asks what he wanted to talk about, and Lafayette simply asks for his job back. Sam goes on another mini-tirade, telling him that the stress of running the kitchen almost put Terry back in a VA hospital, but winds down quickly and tells Lafayette he can have his job back. Before Lafayette leaves, Sam, instead of asking “where have you been?”, asks “what happened to you?” The scene almost makes me cry, –Lafayette’s character has altered that much. Lafayette leaves without answering. Poor baby. Back at the Bible Banger Camp, the crazy drill instructor and Sarah Newlin are riding in a golf cart. The instructor shouts at the jogging “trainees”; one middle aged guy drops, and Jason stops to help him, but Luke-inator antagonizes him, and speeds off. Jason eventually gives up on the guy just wants to go back to being a bank teller, and jogs off to catch up with the group.

At Sookie’s house, Maryann is in the kitchen making her huge breakfast, when Tara comes downstairs, wondering what the hell she’s still there for. And Maryann has big news! She needs a place to stay! Ha, naturally. Tara tells her basically, that she needs to GTFO, because Tara is a guest in the house herself, and can’t just fill up Sookie’s house with people she doesn’t know. Damn right! Apparently, Maryann’s house belonged to a “client”, and he’s moving back in. Uh huh. She’s a scandalous ho, and you’ve got to keep an eye on her. Maryann sniffles and leaves, –manipulative psycho. Tara head to the other room to see if Eggs knew what was going on, and sadly, the string bean dingbat is like, “Oh cool, hur hur,” and Tara tells him flat out, that they can’t all stay there. Eggs doesn’t care, and flippantly tells her they’ll just go somewhere else. Tara asks if they’re nomads or something, but Eggs says it doesn’t matter as long as you’re with people you love.

Tara corrects him, setting him straight, that other things do matter, like the truth, and she demands to know what his thing with Maryann is. Eggs lays on a heavy guilt trip, and leaves her sitting there. Poor idiot is brainwashed, Carl is a zombie, and Maryann runs around naked stalking blondes with nasty poisonous claws. Yeah, Tara, that’s family. You’re the bad one, now climb in your pod so we can suck your brains out. Speaking of the brainless, the Soldiers of the Sun or whatever they call themselves, are stopped at a fence. Each of the trainees has to climb over, and after one guy flops over it and bites the dust on the other side, it’s Luke’s turn. Luke can’t make it, so the nutty instructor start hollering and harassing him. Jason’s up next, and in his infinite sweetness, instead of leaving Luke behind, he helps him over the fence. Awww. Sarah Newlin is beyond enthusiastic, and it’s impossible not to notice her huge figurative woody for Jason. In Dallas, Bill, Sookie, and Eric are meeting with the vampires of Godric’s area, that seem to be barely functioning without him.

Isabelle, with a hint of Spanish accent, is the one who hired Sookie, and Stan is against it. Eric paces, only interested in what’s being done to find Godric. Stan wants to obliterate the Fellowship of the Sun, Isabelle, however, with both Bill and Sookie, agree that it would be disastrous, and the King of Texas would be most displeased. Stan doesn’t care, and Isabelle warns him not to make a power play just because of Godric’s disappearance. Eric, getting more pissed off by the second, hollers at them, for being “incompetent”, wondering aloud why Godric surrounds himself with clowns. Isabelle gets in his shit, and tells him he was invited out of courtesy, stand, much more direct, tells him to run along in an absolutely delicious Texan accent. They bicker, and Stan claims he has a plan, –that is, to raid the Fellowship of the Sun’s headquarters and start a “war.” Eric calls them idiots, and turns away, disgusted. At the Newlin mansion, Steve and Sarah are arguing about “stuff”, –apparently, the big bald drill instructor wannabe is Gabe, and he always knows more than Sarah, even though she and Steve are “supposed to be partners.” Aww, poor blondie. Steve tells her he doesn’t have time for this, and walks off to talk to Gabe.

Steve hands Gabe a folder, while Sarah protests that he doesn’t listen to her, and is taking things “too darn far.” Steve tells Gabe there is “very important information” in the folder, and Gabe takes off. Before Sarah and Steve can renew their debate, Jason comes down the stairs, greeted happily by Mrs. Newlin. Sarah tells Steve how great Jason was that day, and Steve tells him he’s rising to the next level. Jason, clueless, asks what that is; we’re all wondering what the limits of this madness could possibly be too. Steve leads Jason away to show him something, and when Sarah tries to tag along, Steve blows her off. Steve complains to Jason that sometimes he understands people who believe in divorce. Shiiit, yeah, because having your own brainless blonde slave must get awful boring! Steve shows Jason into the ‘Research and Development’ facilities; a big room containing several fully automatic military assault style weapons, designed-with-vampires-in-mind ammo, a flamethrower, plenty of wooden arrows, and more!

Jason wanders the room in awe, while Steve Newlin shows him around, from silver throwing stars, to a frigging rocket launcher. Jason, practically a walking Ode to the Easily Impressed, looks like a kid in a candy store. Over at Merlotte’s, Carl and Maryann park outside so that Maryann can do her impression of a human vibrator; what goes on inside is the real show. Everyone melts down, snapping and getting pissed off at each other, and then redirect all their nastiness to Tara, who eventually tells them all to fuck off. Satisfied, Maryann and her manslave, Carl, drive off. At the Newlin mansion, Jason is taking a bath, in an enormous bathroom while angels float around in a huge domed ceiling, giving one the creepy impression that they’re er…. staring. Gross. Sarah Newlin walks in, behind him, and closes the door; Jason, who doesn’t know she’s there, says to get on, ‘bathtub’s occupied’. Mrs. Newlin, the dirty little blonde dinghead, has finally broken down. She says, “I know,” and Jason I’d say, now definitely knows it’s her.

Jason turns around and snatches a towel, then offers to leave if he stayed too long in the bathroom. Maryann locks the door behind her, and offers to help him. Oh boy. Jason looks shocked, and a million thoughts are probably trying to go through his head, except only one can fit at a time. And since they’re Jason’s thoughts, they’re probably beating each other up to get in. Sarah strolls over, and takes his towel, before sitting on her knees, rolling up one sleeve, and using a –of course, –yellow loofah, to wash Jason. He looks both torn, and thrilled; when have we known Jason to be afraid of willing pussy? He must have found Jesus after all! Sarah tells Jason about Mary Magdalene washing the feet of Jesus, –an interesting choice of icebreakers for cheating on your husband with his new friend. Somehow I doubt Mary Magdalene ever talked Jesus into getting a handjob in the bathtub, but Jason is easily convinced when she tells him that God wants him to have a reward. And with her hand around your tool, could you say no?

At Godric’s nest in Dallas, Stan and Isabelle are still arguing; Stan is for a war on the Fellowship of the Sun, and Isabelle is arguing against it, neither bringing up Godric, –Eric does though, angry and breaking things. Bill states that there is a traitor in their midst, but the two Dallas vampires don’t believe him. Finally, Sookie speaks up with her plan to infiltrate the Fellowship of the Sun, and check out their thoughts while she’s there. Bill isn’t for it at all, since in the daytime no one can help her, but Eric wants to hear her out, –mostly because it benefits him. She insists she can do it, and Stan walks off, claiming he wants no part, especially since they could easily kill all of them. Isabelle reluctantly agrees to Sookie’s plan, and Eric determines the decision final. Bill, looking none too pleased, asks Eric to step out with him for a private chat, leaving Sookie there, looking slightly awkward. Isabelle approaches her, and asks how her relationship with Bill is going. Eric and Bill, in another part of the house, pause for a few words. Bill brings up Sookie’s latest near death experience, and states that Eric knew she’d end up in danger again, and demands to know why he’s taking all this trouble for Godric.

Eric looks pained, which is sweet and sad on him; he flashes back. Three warrior types are trudging along in the mud, Viking style Norse men, or “Northmen”. Eric, the “Northman”, is wounded from battle and being half dragged, half carried through the woods. They all fall, and Eric tells them to leave him, because he’s finished. But the two loyal soldiers tell him no, because he saved their lives a hundred times, they would rather wait with him and be at his side when he dies. They describe the reception waiting for him in Valhalla, “meat, beer, gold, and women!” Eric tells them wherever he goes, there will always be women. Aww, even a thousand years ago, Eric was a ladies man. Eric smiles, though dying, and allows them to carry him once more, barely on his feet. On a high deathbed, Eric lays ready to die. One of his men approaches, and tells him not to be afraid, but Eric says he’s not afraid, he’s “pissed off”. Yes because, they had that expletive a thousand years ago… hmm, I doubt it. Suddenly, something rushes out of the woods, and before the men have time to so much as raise their weapons, their throats are ripped open, and a beautiful boy with tribal tattoos perches beside Eric, blood running down his face.

Hey, don’t let me get carried away describing Godric, but he is damn gorgeous. Eric asks if he is Death, the boy tells him yes, and Eric says, “But you’re just a little boy.” Godric says, “I’m not.” Eric, near death, whispers, “My men…” and Godric says shortly, “Dead.” Eric calls him swine, but undeterred, Godric begins telling him that he saw him fighting on the battlefield, and that he’d never seen anyone fight like Eric. Eric tells him he’d fight him now if he could; Godric laughs quietly, and says he knows, “it’s beautiful.” Though the scene is poignant, Eric wants to get it over with and die, so he asks Godric what he’s waiting for, to kill him. Godric instead asks if he could be a companion of Death, walk through the world with him, through the dark, with Godric as his father, brother, and son, –Eric asks what’s in it for him, and Godric tells him, life, –the thing Eric loves most. Eric repeats, “Life,” and Godric begins to drain him, in order to begin the process of turning him.

Fast-forward, and Eric, looking miserable, tells Bill quietly, “Godric is my maker.” Aww, poor baby. At Merlotte’s, Daphne is help close up with Sam, and apparently, the two are alone, since they start rubbing up against each other near one of the pool tables. Daphne remarks about how “hot” Sam is, –trust me, woman, we know, –and Sam explains that he does too, instead of being at the normal 98.6, he always runs around 100, or 101. Daphne tells him she does too, that it’s a “shifter thing”. She tells him that she’s surprised he never met another shifter, and Sam reveals hat he has run into werewolves. Daphne rolls her eyes; I guess werewolves are icky and gross? Daphne asks, curious, what it feels like for him to change, and he tells her that it’s like sparks running all over his skin, that it used to scare him. Daphne says it was the same for her, now it just feels awesome though. Sam goes on to subtly compare it to an orgasm, and that gets them going. Personally, I wouldn’t ever do anything on a pool table, rednecks touch the same felt lining all day. Yuck. After a raunchy joke about billiard equipment, Sam displays an obvious lack of consideration for the hygienic concerns, and mounts Daphne right there on the pool table. Yuck, yuck, yuck. And I don’t trust Daphne, she sucks at being a waitress too much to be normal.

At the hotel, Bill and Sookie are headed to their room, when Sookie tells him she needs to ask about “human stuff”, –Bill waits for her at the elevator, and Sookie goes to the front desk to ask about Barry the Bellboy. The receptionist informs her that Barry quit that day, and Sookie is shocked, but thanks the woman, who probably thinks Sookie is either getting it on with him, or deranged. She walks off to join Bill. At Sookie’s house, something really sick and twisted and gross is going on. Maryann is sitting at Gran’s table, reading some book with “HeartSick” on the cover, –probably about surgical cardiology, and she’s only reading it for a) its value as a cookbook, or b) the pictures. Maryann is also wearing what looks like, one of Gran’s dresses. I am thoroughly disturbed and grossed out. Tara approaches this alarming scene, and good god, get ready for plenty of backpedaling, manipulation, and brainfucking. Maryann looks old without make-up, or has make-up on to make her look old, and has her hair is a loose bun.

It’s enough to make you puke in your soup. Really. The Gran-pretender, asks Sookie how her day was (what big eyes you have, Grandma!), and Tara tells her it was really rough. Maryann says they looked at houses all day, but didn’t find anything, and promises anyway that they be out by morning (what a big mouth you have, Grandma!), and that she made all Tara’s favor foods, then stocked them in the fridge with her dinner. Tara finally melts, and tells Maryann she can stay, because she’s so good to her; ugh, god. Lifestyles of the broke and spineless. Maryann tells Tara she’s good to her because she needs it so much, and it makes her bloom like a flower. And Tara buys it, how sad. Upstairs, Eggs is sprawled out reading in her bed, when Tara comes in to join him. Aww, so cute. In Dallas, Bill and Sookie are discussing the vampires in Area 9 that they met at Godric’s nest, or “lair” as Bill calls it. He calls them all kinds of nasty things, and Sookie reassures him that he’s different, and better. Um, how were Stan and Isabelle even that bad? From what I saw, they were just stupid, and inconsiderate, and impetuous. You know, like everybody else.

Sookie tells Bill he’s different because he’s able to love, and has a heart. He asks Sookie to just slip back to Bon Temps, but Sookie reminds him that Stan is insane, and she did give her word to Eric. Bill looks all defeated, and starts up on one of his threats that if anything happens to Sookie, he’ll –but Sookie cuts him off, and good thing too, since he really abuses that line. She promises to be in and out, and Bill totally changes the subject by letting her know that since it’s been a long night …they don’t have to …er… Because he’d be satisfied to just hold her. Sookie tells Bill she would not be satisfied, so that means get off your ass, and get to it, man! While they get to it, the Original Homewrecker prowls the hotel hallway; Bill’s maker, the nasty woman with the dead bodies stacked up in her house. Oooh, and the nasty bitch is -listening- to them do it? That’s where they leave us!

The Romanian Strigoii

Moonlight — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 16:00:32 +0000

Alright boys and gals, grab your thick cloaks, your wooden stakes and crosses for it’s time to go back to the traditional land of the vampire, Romania. This time to learn of the most common vampire species in the country, the Strigoii.

The strigoii are a breed of undead vampire (compared to the Romanian living vampire, the moroii). The ways to become a strigoii is like most traditional vampires: you got suicide, witchcraft, criminal acts, blasphemy, being the seventh son, death at the hand of another vampire, being born with caul, having a cat jump over one’s corpse, having a vampire stare at a baby still in the womb, or dying unmarried with an unrequited love. Whew, that is quite the list. When it comes to looks a strigoii is said to have red hair and blue eyes. They also move very slowly, with their right eye closed but they left eye always open. In one version of the myth the left eye was always blood red, not blue. Sometimes the vampire would look bloated with blood.

The strigoii drank blood like most vampires but it could also eat normal human food. It is said to also be able to draw energies from people, leaving them weak, sickly and helpless. Other than attacking people the strigoii would also spread disease. It would travel house to house spreading death and desolation.

Now, when it came to tracking down a strigoii to destroy the beast there were an assortment of methods. One of these was to look for a blue flame, like a candle. It was said this blue flame would burn a little above the ground where a strigoii is buried. Another method was to take a 7-year-old boy, dress him in white, set him on a white horse and let the animal loose in a graveyard. Wherever the horse stopped is where the vampire lay. And finally, it was thought that a vampire needed to breathe in its grave, so it would poke holes in the earth to air it out. So if you see a grave with holes, there may be a strigoii underneath your feet.

When it comes to destroying the fiend or simply protecting yourself from it there are many things to do. Wine! Yes, wine; drink it if you want protection from this vampire. Wine is said to be a powerful shield against the vamp, especially cheap wine for it tainted the blood making you undesirable to the strigoii, eating onions was also said to taint your blood. Other means of protection is to scatter the grave of a strigoii with poppy seeds. Like many other vampire species the strigoii are thought to be incredibly obsessive and if you leave poppy seeds (or mustard seeds or many other kinds of things) at its grave then it will have to stop and count each one before it can move on. Counting all the tiny little seeds will take it all night which leaves the humans safe from its wrath. As for killing it, cutting off its head and stuffing the mouth with herbs would do the trick. Exposing a strigoii to sunlight would also kill it.

And there you go, Romania’s most famous vampire species.

- Moonlight

Leech Lover Facts: Part 1

Moonlight — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 16:00:12 +0000

There are loads of totally random, weird, strange and wonderful vampire facts. An assortment of delicious little tidbits for vampire fans to sink their fangs into. So here is the first part of what will no doubt be a running series. Some silly, devilish and unbelievable vampire facts…

Fishnets: Yup, fishnets. Nets used to catch fish (not the ones on your pasty white legs). Once used in many gypsy villages as well as other cultures to protect against vampire attacks. These nets were dropped over doors of houses to keep a vampire out. See, the idea was that a vampire would be compelled to count all the knots in the net before setting about feeding. By the time it finished counting the knots, the sun would be up and it would have to go back to its grave.

Frankincense: In Dalmatia and Albania frankincense incense were used by the clergy to bless daggers or knives intended as stakes or weapons in fighting the undead.

Seventh Sons: In Romania, those that are born seventh are doomed to become a vampire. The seventh son of a seventh son though, they were super screwed since it was said they were born with a tail. This belief contradicts Gaelic and English views that seventh sons (or generally the seventh child of a family) are born with certain good powers, such as amazing luck and healing. But to the Romanians is just means that once you die you are going to become a vampire.

Blue Eyes: Now this is a belief found in regions of the Balkans and especially in areas of Greece. They thought people with blue eyes would become vampires after death or already were vampires. The belief probably stemmed from the scarcity of blue-eyed people in that part of the world and was reflected in the suspicion they showed to blue-eyed strangers from other lands. On a semi related note: in Ireland, blue or gray-eyed people were said to be able to see ghosts.

Watermelons: Now this is one of the most ridiculous, yet awesome beliefs. Watermelons (as well as pumpkins) were believed to be able to become vampires. This belief comes from the Gypsies of Yugoslavia. But don’t worry, these vampires weren’t said to be dangerous since they didn’t have teeth. What happened was these blood covered melons would growl and pester the living by rolling around their feet. Ahaha.

I swear to you I did not make any of those up, I mean, we are weird here on Vampires.com but not THAT weird… maybe.

- Moonlight

The One Who Eats The Sun and Moon

Moonlight — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 18:00:52 +0000

Romania is most defiantly known for vampires, honestly, that’s pretty much ALL it is known for. You picture Romania and you see horse drawn carriages traveling on aged winding paths through the Carpathian Mountains, ominous trees hanging menacingly, small superstitious towns, gothic castles and of course, Dracula. But today’s myth isn’t about the infamous Count, it is about the lesser know Romanian vampire myth, the Varcolaci.

The Varcolaci is a horrifying vampire species that was considered to be one of the most powerful of all undead beings because of its ability to devour the sun and moon (I bet the sun tastes like Sunny D).

Like many old myths the story varies from town to town., causing many variations of one story. When it comes to the ancient Varcolaci, no one knows for sure what they are. They have been depicted as smaller than dogs, some show them as dragons, or as a random animal with multiple mouths. They can come into being as souls of unbaptized children, those cursed by God, or the children of unmarried people (if you have read past lore posts you‘ll see that this is a common theme from back in the day). Varcolaci can also be created by women spinning at night without a candle or when people stick a porridge stick in a fire…ok, if that’s not worth punishment then what is…right? Yeaa, joking. Oh and I can’t forget this- sweeping your house at sunset can also get you turned into this particular vampire but only if you accumulated dirt and dust toward the sun. Yes, people actually believed this at one point.

When it comes to looks, they appear as humans with pale faces and dry skin (me during winter). Varcolaci cause eclipses when their bodies fall into a deep sleep and their spirit goes into the sky to chow down on the heavens. They can travel on the thread in the midnight spinning, going where they wish as long as the thread reamins unbroken. Another name for this species is priculics.

The Varcolaci is a fascinating vampire, its quite sad that more isn’t known about them.

Also, if the “traveling on midnight thread” sounds familiar you may have read it before. This idea was used in the famous and absolutely astounding Darkangel Trilogy by Meredith Ann Pierce (Book one: The Darkangel).

- Moonlight

Becoming a Vampire

veritas — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 09:28:16 +0000

There are three main ways to become a vampire; by birth, by bite, and by death. The second is explanation enough in and of itself. A vampire bites and feeds from a male or female, and whether it is the result of recurring feeding or one incident of feeding that led to death, he or she then becomes on of the undead. According to folklore from different cultures across the globe, there are numerous signs that a child is born a vampire, or that a corpse has become one after death. There are signs that one might give that they have been bitten and are turning into a vampire, such as shying away from religious talk, or items, lessening hygiene and foul breath, have newly begun to sleepwalk, as well as anemic tendencies.

Some of the causes for vampirism in a child are being born on certain holy days, new moons, or seasonal equinox, or being conceived on those days, born with a red caul on their head, too much hair, an extra nipple, two hearts. The habits of the child may also indicate vampirism, such as if it was weaned too soon, or if the baby continues nursing even after it has been weaned. Dying before baptism as a baby is another possible way to turn into a vampire infant. There’s also being born the seventh son of a seventh son; but this can also be taken as a good omen as well. Some reasons fall on the mother; if she stared at a vampire, or did not eat enough salt while she was pregnant, her child might be born a vampire. Other reasons are curses, either after the baby has been born, or while still in the womb.

One can also become a vampire if certain customs are not observed after death. In some areas of Romania it is believed that burying a corpse face up will result in vampirism, while others remain steadfast that the only way is to die as a vampire’s victim. Improper burial ceremonies, no burial, as well as shadows falling across a corpse, the wind from the Russian Steppe blowing over a corpse, even having a cat, dog, or other animal jump over the corpse has been believed to be a certain cause of vampirism. Some believe it is the way the person dies that makes the vengeful spirit of the vampire linger, such as those were died violently, with murders that went unavenged, or even death by drowning. In other cultures, the actions of others dictate the vampire change in a corpse; some believe that stealing the ropes used to bury a corpse will cause the dead to rise, while others believe that if the corpse has a sleepwalking brother, it will come back as a vampire.

Vampires » romania

Mooooo!

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