The Vampire Diaries, Season 1, Episode 16

Detecting the main thread of the story in this episode is a little difficult; the episode throws three subplots at you at once, and you have to kind of wait to see where it’s going, unlike the last episode, which was slightly more straight forward. Pearl, Anna’s mother, is being a total bitch; the rest of the vampires, are creeping out of the tomb, and she’s the one putting them up in some poor woman’s house on the outskirts of town. Harper, the black vampire, was only the first; there’s a whole shitload of them out there, figuring out how to use remotes, and cell phones.

And not all of them are very nice, like, power-hungry asshole Frederick, for instance. Pearl, being the older vampire, immediately heads off to make Damon her little minion, having broken the promise she and Annabelle made to get out of town. Pearl plans to rebuild, and she blinds Damon with her thumbnails to show she’s serious. He heals of course, but the great antique upholstery in his living room will probably never recover. He heads off to drown his sorrow, and shortly after, Matt’s mom Kelly joins him, along with Jenna.

Elena and Stefan, who seem to be skirting the edges of this episode, happen to be on a double date with Caroline and Matt, who’s really irate with his mother who was supposed to be there for a job interview. Anna seems to have a renewed interest in Jeremy, who is obsessed with vampire still. She tries to keep him off the subject, but he’s not backing down easily. Meanwhile, on the edge of the plot, the foursome are dealing with each other’s differences, super-secret-high-school-business, –when Frederick the Asshole shows up to screw with them.

The night just keeps getting more awkward between the foursome; Caroline is insecure, yeah yeah, –just wait until Damon and Kelly are caught making out in the hallway. The group disperses, and Matt delivers a reaming to his loser mother, who totally deserves it. Meanwhile, not even five minutes after Caroline and Elena leave, before Stefan can even go off on Damon, Frederick and his right hand lady, Beth-Ann, crash through the window. After a fairly brief scuffle, Stefan dispatches Beth-Ann, who quickly turns… gooey, and in an inspired moment, Frederick takes off, like the big pussy he is.

If the episode seems a little uneventful, it kind of is, and the only cliff-hanger is that Jeremy wants to be a vampire, big surprise. He tricks Anna into biting him, and now, he’s once more aware of vampires; again, it’s been done. There’s nothing about Alaric in this episode, –he doesn’t even show up, and Bonnie is still MIA, –so yeah, basically, we’re floating on top of the big, boring ocean of Filler-land. That’s okay, it was still pretty awesome, but I’m still hoping something actually -happens- next week.

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