‘Vampire Wars’ Review

Vampire Wars, also known as Bloodsuckers, is yet another B-grade vampire flick, but this one has a twist - the vampires are in space. Oooh yea, all of that cringe-worthy bad acting, over the top gore and cliché lines takes place in outer space.

The year is 2210 and the universe is overrun with hundreds of vampire species that prey upon humans in brutal attacks. That's where the intergalactic Vampire Sanitation teams come in. V-SAN crews, who've come to know their line of work as "the toughest job you'll ever hate," are comprised of rough and rugged men and women that hunt down and destroy these vile vamps.

The movie starts out with a V-SAN crew checking out a base that was hit by a big bad vampire attack. The crew consists of the nervous new guy, the hardass boss, the tough bitchy chick, a sexy “good” vampire and a guy with a cowboy hat on, you know, because a space-cowboy in 2210 is pure awesome dribbled in awesome sauce… except it’s not.

There is more blood and gore in the first five minutes of this flick than the average slasher flick has in an hour. Let’s just say there’s a whole lot of organs hanging around, it’s like the vampire played some hardcore game of jump rope. Anyway, after the gore you are then mind-raped by some serious overacting, which is to be expected. The next hour of this flick consists of more gore, more bad acting, some creepy vampire sex, an assortment of odd vamps and finally it ends with… some more creepy vampire sex.

Overall, the movie was a fail. The storyline was actually pretty decent, but everything else kind of ruined it for you. Although, if you’re the type that digs those “it’s so bad it’s good” films, then I suggest checking Vampire Wars out. There are definitely some laughs in there, like the scene where the crew attempts to be stealthy (I actually laughed out loud). Oh and, the chick from Bloodrayne is in it, her incredible hotness gives this flick a couple brownie points… but only a couple.

- Moonlight