Well, the cardboard version has about as much depth of character as the “real” Edward…

Is Lauren Adkins the ultimate “Twilight” fan? On January 26, 2013, she married a Robert Pattinson cardboard cut-out. But there’s much more to the story.

Last week I wrote about a woman who claims she is involved in a sexual relationship with Bigfoot. (Despite the fact she’s of menopausal age, they’re trying to conceive!) The week before that, I posted about a man stuffing cow eyeballs up his rectum. In keeping with this bizarro element of my online scrutiny and commentary, I present to you THE WOMAN WHO MARRIED A CARDBOARD CUTOUT OF EDWARD FROM TWILIGHT. Personally, I’d take Bigfoot before Sparkling Eddie, even a cardboard version of him. Hell, I’d even take the cow’s eyeballs. I find TWILIGHT that repugnant.

Anyway, while it’s an easy assumption that the woman in question is just your typical insane TWILIGHT fanatic, in point of fact Lauren Adkins did the whole thing as a “performance art” project. This does make her seem quite a bit saner, but she still admits to being a Twi-hard member of the sparkly cult, so I can’t give her a FULL pass. She also seems to feel there’s a sort-of “persecution” of TWILIGHT fans, because the books and films are so hated. And I agree. If by “persecution” she means that they get made fun of a lot, that is.

By TheCheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced, and directed (and occasionally acted in) over two dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and True Crime genres. He obtained a doctorate in Occult Studies from Miskatonic University and is an active paranormal investigator. Is frequently told he resembles Anton Lavey. And Ming the Merciless. Denn die totden reiten schnell!

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