10 Reasons It Sucks Having A Vampire Boyfriend

Having your very own dark and sexy vampire boyfriend would of course totally rock all sorts of awesome. But like most good things there are a few downsides to it as well. Why would it suck having a vampire as a boyfriend? Read on…

1. Vampire bite marks on your neck are way harder to cover up than a hickey some mortal boy may give you. It’ll take a bit more than concealer to cover that baby up; I suggest investing in a lot of scarves.

2. You know how parents always want to have a nice family dinner with your new boy to get to know him better? Well, that’s a little hard for someone that only drinks blood. “Uhh… I’ll just have a steak… super rare.” I’m sure he’ll raise a few eyebrows during dinner.

3. No fun in the sun for you guys. Say goodbye to warm and sunny trips to the beach.

4. He uses speech from hundreds of years ago, which makes you scratch your head trying to figure out what the hell he is saying. “What hath thee wrought?” Say what?

5. Sleeping all day so that you can hang out with him at night is totally killing your tan.

6. He is soooo much older and wiser than you. Meaning, you can’t win any arguments. He’ll be pulling out the immortality card whenever he can. “When you’re 500 years you’ll understand!” Lame.

7. Angst, lots of angst. Yes, he may have you in his life, someone to love and warm his cold blooded heart, but he’ll still have his emo days. Expect him to go into dark brooding mode a lot, going on and on about all the horrible things he did in his “early years.”

8. He is easily overwhelmed by our modern technology. Ever try explaining to a grandparent how to use a computer? Frustrating right? Imagine having to explain it to a centuries old vampire. “Back in my day we had carrier pigeons, none of this e-mail or texting nonsense!”

9. You keep cutting your tongue on his sharp fangs. Sure, after a while you learn the art of kissing a vampire, but for a while there every kiss results in you nicking your tongue on those fangs. Then your tongue bleeds which triggers that blood lust of his, which is a whole other issue there. Some days you just aren’t in the mood for a good ol’ blood draining.

10. No warm cuddles. Being undead and all means he’s a bit on the chilly side, so you’re stuck cuddling a chunk of ice.

– Moonlight

By Moonlight

Moonlight (aka Amanda) loves to write about, read about and learn about everything pertaining to vampires. You will most likely find her huddled over a book of vampire folklore with coffee in hand. Touch her coffee and she may bite you (and not in the fun way).


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  2. Haha! That was funny. But hey, vampires of folklore and 19th century literature could walk in sun and some of them, like Carmilla, were warm… p

  3. i like what the girl said above me lol so true.
    and teh technolgy thinng made me giggle cuz if my vampy bf did that ha id be like get used to it ;] <3

  4. number 6th and the 10th one is really interesting.
    so then if you had a boyfriend vampire then the cuddling would be the not so great thing then.. im pretty sure as long as you wear maybe warm clothings it would not matter would it not?

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  6. not to mention he has no heartbeat, therefore no blood-flow which means he can never have an erection….yeahhh.

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  8. Thanks for the fun list. Another problem: Daymares. You know that daymare where you dream you had to eat your way through a huge cherry danish only to wake up and find your girlfriend dead and bled out in the bed? Yeah, that sucks.

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