10 Things Vampires Cry About… That Humans Don’t

1.  Gettin’ All …Ashy

brad and tony

I can’t help but see this part now and think, “He just needs a better moisturizer.”

2. A Really Bad Sunburn


I won’t sit back and lie to y’all; I’ve cried about a sunburn at least once in my life.

3. Bad Take-out.


“You’re eating maggots, Michael.” I’d be like, “Dude, we’ve still got the receipt right?”

4.  David Tennant In His Panties

dave tennant

It’s enough to make any vampire burst into tears… brought on by sheer terror.

5.  Bill Paxton’s Unforgettable Scene in Near Dark


Makes vampires everywhere, tear up just a little, because they know, they now have to spend eternity with the guy who’s been killed by Predator, an Alien, and a Terminator. He’s like the autistic cousin no one wants at the wedding, but would feel bad for not inviting.



This might be something only vampire -fans- cry about, and it was a thing, trust me, for those of us who were there.

7. Fairy Vaginas


My best Bill Compton impression inserted here: “Damn it, Sookeh…!”

8. Keanu Reeves’ Blood Mixed with Shaving Cream


Eating that, or having to be trapped in that body, with that hair… for eternity. Or worse, your only love interest is Winona Ryder. The horror. That’s something that would make a vampire cry…. or get diagnosed with crippling depression and agoraphobia.

9.  The Other Stupid Cousin No One Wants at The Wedding


But crying with relief here, since we’re pretty sure we determined that Nick Cage’s character was just a nutcase by the end. Breathe easy, Kindred, we don’t have to make room for this guy at the next social event.

10.  Dumping the Family Pump


And lastly, dumping a girl is cry-worthy, even though she’s been passed back and forth between two brothers like a good pair of boots.

By annimi

Ashley writes for Vampires.com, Werewolves.com, and other sites in the Darksites Network. She's involved in several seedy and disreputable activities, smokes too much, and spends her late nights procrastinating for work on her first novel.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: