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Another Dark Shadows Update!

As the release date for Tim Burton’s new film Dark Shadows (with Johnny Depp as the tragic vampire Barnabas Collins) approaches, more and more fans wonder Where Is The Trailer?  Understandable.  The film hits theaters in May, less than three months from now.  On the other hand, Burton/Depp team-ups generate all sorts of publicity by their very nature.  And a steady trickle of information seems aimed at building excitement. 

Case in point–the most recently released photo, showing Depp in a costume nearly identical to one from the original t.v. series.  In it, he and the beautiful evil witch with the broken heart stare eye to eye.   Eva Green even captures the look so many Dark Shadows fans remember from Angelique–that “I slaughtered your entire family and you call ME the bad guy?” attitude.

At the website ComicBookMovie.com someone claiming to have participated in a consumer survey for a version of the DS trailer posted his description.  While such trailers rarely remain intact from such surveys, the description certainly teases nicely…

It starts with Depp narrating. He explains how he is cursed by a jealous witch (Eva Green) who destroyed all that he loves. Green turns him into a vampire and has him put in a chained coffin and buried by villagers for eternity. Coffin opens, Depp comes out and yawns Depp asks future dweller Jackie Earle Haley what is the year and learns it is 1972. Then Depp sees a McDonald’s sign and a toy troll with a shocked face.

Depp goes to the Collins Mansion and meets his family. Helena Bonham Carter’s character says “Who the hell is this?” Depp replies “I am a vampire madam” Jonny Lee Miller’s character says “Yeah”.

Depp cleans his fangs in the bathroom with a toothbrush and we see he has no reflection in the mirror. Chloe Moretz says “He’s not staying with us forever, is he?” Her little brother interjects “I like him”. Michelle Pfeiffer says “Welcome home Barnabas Collins”, then Moretz slams door shut with KEEP OUT sign.   Depp sees television and says “What sorcery is this?” He then goes around and rips open back panel yelling “Reveal yourself tiny songstress!” Moretz says to Depp “Are you stoned or something?” (This bit was hilarious)

Eva Green‘s character Angelique walks in. Depp says “Her name summons vomit to the recesses of my mouth” (made me laugh out loud again). Green replies “Oooh no one talks like you anymore Barnabas”.Depp explains that Green is the witch who killed the woman he loves and cursed him to be a hideous creature and asks Green “What is it you want?” Green rips off her shirt and Depp stares at her breasts and says “I must admit they have not aged a day”. Green slides her bottom on piano, lays back on couch and Depp growls. Green spins her head around while giving an evil smile. Helena Bonham Carter‘s character asks “Is she for real” and Depp replies “Indeed” and puts his head down on organ keys playing high pitched note.

A train is moving then a ghostly appearance of Bella Heathcote‘s character appears and says “She’s coming”. Voice over says “I don’t know what it is, there’s always been something funny here pulling me to you”. The real life Josette walks in. Depp stands up and says “Josette”. The little brother character says “That’s freaky” Bella Heathcote says to Depp “I feel like I’ve known you forever”.   Green says “If I can’t have you, I’ll destroy you and your family”. Then the disco ball comes crashing down. Michelle Pfeiffer says to Depp “Fight on Barnabas, fight on for us” with scene of ambulance and burning building. Depp replies “And fight I shall” as he puts his open hand out and blows up building.   Green says “Love me” and Depp replies “Never”. Green wrestles with Depp as they destroy room while getting it on. Green pins Depp to the ground and licks his chest and face with her abnormally long tongue. Depp, sitting in the destroyed room, says to Green “That was a regrettable turn of events”

Chloe Moretz says “I guess the only thing missing is Alice Cooper. Depp replies that “She [meaning Alice Cooper] should be our guest”. Scene showing Alice Cooper singing and Depp says “ugliest woman I’ve ever seen”.

As might be expected, some fans of the show have been shrieking about heresy and the dreaded C word (Comedy).  On the other hand, maybe we should remember this is a Tim Burton film.  His stuff always includes humor.  We laugh, but we also cry.  He gives us thrills and heartbreak as well as creepy images and usually a more-than-touching love story.

One more detail–according to a poster at the IMDB message boards (someone who also claimed to see an early draft of the trailer) the music used for the trailer is “People Are Strange” by The Doors.

David MacDowell Blue blogs at Night Tinted Glasses.  He graduated from the National Shakespeare Conservatory and is the author of The Annotated Carmilla. and Your Vampire Story (And How to Write It) as well as a theatrical adaptation of Carmilla.
Chloe Grace Moretzcollinsdark shadowsEva Greenjohnny deppMichelle Pfeiffertim burtonVampireswitches

david • February 21, 2012


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