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Buy Your Own Child’s Coffin

Hopefully you’d be purchasing this item for its inherent coolness, to own as a collector’s piece, and not because you really *needed* it. But that goes without saying, I would hope.

The coffin in question is available from WOLF’S MUSEUM OF MYSTERY, currently located in Saint Augustine, Florida but scheduled to relocate in the near future. Everything in the Museum of Mystery is on sale, and that includes this lovely, authentic construct. It dates to 1926 and comes with its original shipping crate and a vintage base. It has a mohair surface. (Mohair is a silky fabric fashioned from the hair of the Angora goat. I know because I looked it up.)

The proprietors of the Museum of Mystery, however, are animal lovers. While no human remains have ever been kept in the coffin, then, it is highly probably that one or more living kitty cats has used the coffin as a snuggly bed. These felines may also have used the coffin’s exterior as a scratching post, so it isn’t quite in mint condition. But that just means you get it at a discount price!

They have all kinds of cool stuff for sale at the Museum. Recently they sold John Wayne Gacy’s personal—and autographed—Bible. (Autographed by Gacy, that is, not by the original authors. Just in case you were confused.)

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (,, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase here:


TheCheezman • October 7, 2018

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