Buying Dirt From Transylvania
There’s an ad I saw online where you can purchase one square foot of dirt from Transylvania for fifty bucks. Commentators were sagely pointing out that it could be a scam. A person could go dig up a square foot of dirt from his own backyard and then claim that it was from Transylvania. Granted I do own a vial of dirt from Poenari, the historical Castle Dracula, but I’m reasonably certain that it originated where it is supposed to have originated. These people selling dirt online, though, aren’t even making any claims about the dirt having a connection to any historical sites, any sites connected to Dracula. Just that it’s from Transylvania, which is, relatively speaking, a big place.
I know what’s really going on. It’s part of some vampire’s plan. In the novel DRACULA, the Count had several large crates of dirt shipped to England. A vampire has to sleep in its native soil during the hours of sunlight, you will recall. Dracula ran into problems, though. Some enterprising vampire wants to have its native soils shipped out of the country without raising suspicions. After a sufficient amount of dirt has arrived via international mail, the vampire will fly to wherever it wants to settle and track down and collect all those small containers.
That or it’s some guy from Hoboken digging up dirt from his backyard. Take your pick.
WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced, and directed (and occasionally acted in) over two dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and True Crime genres. He obtained a doctorate in Occult Studies from Miskatonic University and is an active paranormal investigator. Is frequently told he resembles Anton Lavey. And Ming the Merciless.
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