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Cereal Killers

I mentioned in a separate article this week that BEETLEJUICE is celebrating its 30th anniversary–and the trouble I was having swallowing the fact. I probably would have an easier time swallowing the forthcoming BEETLEJUICE brand cereal. That’s right, there’s going to be a BEETLEJUICE brand cereal. And an ELVIRA brand cereal. (I’d prefer if it was a VAMPIRA brand cereal.) And a Freddy Krueger brand. And what company will be bringing this to us? Take a guess. I bet you can figure it out.

Yep, it’s Funko! Funko is, like, the coolest company in the world. And not only will there be cereals, but in that grand old tradition of putting toys in cereal boxes, each box of cereal will include an official mini-Funko figure. Man, just take my money, already.

Funko founder Michael Becker said: “We got all the cool licenses like He-Man, Wonder Woman, Elvira Mistress of the Dark, Freddy Krueger and our own Freddy Funko. We start shipping to stores in June and we have the distribution set up and the product is pre-sold. It’s just one more of those feel-good Funko items…I used to watch cartoons on Saturday mornings while I was eating cereal. There are prizes in the cereal and it will sell for $7.99 a box. When you add milk to the Freddy Krueger cereal, it looks blood red. With the Beetlejuice cereal, when you add milk it looks like slime.” The Elvira cereal will turn milk black.

Don’t expect to buy any of these at your local Kroger’s, though, when they are released in June of this year. Only specialty shops will be carrying them. Yeah, or Amazon and eBay.

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (www.evilcheezproductions.blogspot.com, www.facebook.com/evilcheezproductions), specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase here: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/734763

MORTUI VELOCES SUNT!

TheCheezman • April 8, 2018


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