Edward, the sparkly hero of the TWILIGHT series of books and movies, is supposed to be a vampire, correct? (I will say “supposed to be” and leave it at that, as I’ve no wish to alienate any of our readers who actually *like* the sparkly supernatural species—I am told they *do* exist, though I have never met one.) Now okay, I don’t know anything about the TWILIGHT world, so maybe none of the classic rules apply. (I mean, obviously they don’t, if the guy *sparkles*.) And when we’re dealing with matters of the supernatural, I tend to think one shouldn’t ask too many questions. Even so, if a vampire is technically dead, then his sperm would be dead, too. And dead sperm cannot impregnate an underage girl. (As opposed to *living* sperm, which *shouldn’t* impregnate underage girls. Rather the owners of the sperm shouldn’t use them to impregnate underage girls. But this is the TWILIGHT world, so the regular rules don’t apply. Yeah, I’m gonna get in trouble, here, if I don’t move on. Better leave that one alone. Nothing creepy about a century-old vampire doing the nasty with an underage girl. Not at all. Nope. And maybe she wasn’t underage by the time they got around to doing the deed. I wouldn’t know, as I haven’t read the books or seen the movies.)
How could Edward have gotten Bella pregnant? Here’s the explanation. Turns out TWILIGHT “vampires” don’t even have blood in their bodies, either living or dead. I’ll leave it to the fans to decide if the explanation makes sense or not, then. It doesn’t to me, because, well, gibberish. But then I’m not the audience for this one.
WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (www.evilcheezproductions.blogspot.com, www.facebook.com/evilcheezproductions), specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase here: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/734763
MORTUI VELOCES SUNT!