Don’t touch that Ouija!
Let’s say there is a particular fish you want to catch. We’ll call this fish “Walter.” Maybe Walter is the Moby Dick to your Ahab; you’re obsessed with Walter and you really, really want him in the frying pan. We’ll assume that you would recognize Walter by sight. Problem is, Walter is somewhere swimming around in one of the Great Lakes. Doesn’t matter which one. Pick one. And the lake of your choosing is frozen over, solid. So you go out on the ice, you cut an opening about the circumference of a dinner plate, and you drop in your line. What are your chances of catching that one particular fish out of all the fish in that gigantic lake? Even if you place a little sign on your line that says, “This bait is only for Walter.”
That’s how an Ouija board works, if you believe they work at all. What’s more, we’ll say that Walter is down swimming in the depths of the lake. The fish near the surface, the ones most likely to take the bait, are all fish that you don’t like. You MIGHT catch Walter, but it’s far more likely you’ll end up catching a fish you’d just as soon NOT catch. And when you’re dealing with malevolent spirits, which are the most likely to be attracted to an Ouija board session, you can’t just throw ‘em back. Bottom line: Don’t go fishing with an Ouija board.
WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced, and directed (and occasionally acted in) over two dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and True Crime genres. He obtained a doctorate in Occult Studies from Miskatonic University and is an active paranormal investigator. Is frequently told he resembles Anton Lavey. And Ming the Merciless.
Denn die totden reiten schnell!