vampire games, vampire news, and real vampires

Even Pixilated, Dracula Kicks Ass

That cute little pixilated picture of Count Dracula caught my attention, so I read the article. A hint to advertisers: If you want to snag my attention and get me to read whatever content you’re shilling, putting a picture of Dracula at the head of the article is guaranteed to do it. Granted, you’re only going to have a sentence or two to KEEP my attention, but that’s still getting you more than you’d get from me otherwise.

I read the first sentences of this article–and I bristled. It read: “Can YOU Protect Dracula From His Many Weaknesses? Dracula is the weakest of the monsters from the song ‘Monster Mash’—he gives you many options to kill him with and more often than not he’s accidentally making another version of himself every time he eats a meal.” I was like, Oh HELL no! The article itself is typical Halloween-season flotsam, stupid and transient. But you go and start off with that kind of ignorance, you’re gonna raise my ire! Permit me to educate you pleebs!

Dracula may well be the most powerful of all the classic Monsters. Sunlight doesn’t bother him. (See Stoker’s novel.) A wooden stake is no guarantee to finish him off. See the countless times he’s come back from being staked. Staking him seems to be little more than an inconvenience. And Dracula creates new vampires only when it suits his purpose; can one ever have too many vampire slaves? As far as crosses go, they only work against him when wielded by Peter Cushing. And garlic? Don’t make me laugh. Even when rendered into a clumsy computerized cartoon, Dracula is still the most badass of all Monsters. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, bitches.

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (,, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase here:


TheCheezman • November 10, 2017

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