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Fireside Chats: Shelter in Place with the Corona Zombies

With thanks to Dread Central for compiling them for me, here’s a trio of public service announcements about the ongoing global health emergency. I speak, of course, of the Corona Zombie plague. CORONA ZOMBIES, you will recall, is coming to us on April 10th via Full Moon Features. Nobody, but nobody, can accuse Charles Band and the folks at Full Moon of not being timely.

One of the promos instructs people to stockpile toilet paper. I really hope they make a thing out of this for the movie, like toilet paper somehow offers protection from the Corona Zombies. Nothing in this whole fiasco more perfectly illustrates the depths of collective human stupidity than the run on toilet paper. What possible benefit could this possibly provide? Shouldn’t people be more concerned with, oh, I don’t know, water? Food? If they’re going to stockpile anything, shouldn’t it be their prescription medications? A lack of toilet paper is really low on the list of importance, seems to me. Be that as it may, toilet paper hoarding will forevermore be linked in the public consciousness with the coronavirus outbreak. Perhaps, after this movie, so will zombies. It is true that zombies are done to death already, pardon the pun, our society oversaturated with them. But in uncertain times like these, their decomposing visages are comforting, like old friends. Full Moon gets that.

TheCheezman • April 13, 2020

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