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5 Reasons Why Chicks Shouldn’t Dig Vampires

nosferatu11. They’re probably major manwhores, –whether they’re sparkly or not, vampires have the power of glamour. They can get any chick they want! Plus, all those years on earth have probably loosened their morals a bit.If they can drink blood and kill innocent dogs and cats, then fidelity is probably pretty easy to ignore.

2. How often do you see a vampire shower in any movie? And coffins are biohazardous! So is blood! Anything that rolls around in biohazardous waste all night, and drinks blood, could be a carrier for all kinds of germs and dormant diseases. Gross! Traditionally, vampires are just icky anyway. And if you’re dating a guy that sleeps in the dirty well, need I say more?

3. Forget having pets. If you’re dating one of those “vegetarian” vampires that eat rabbits, and dogs and stuff, then the inevitable fact is, you’re going to come home one day and your dog is going to be missing, your hamster MIA, your cat looking spooked, etc., –it’s just not a safe environment. It’s almost like child abuse!

4. If your vampire isn’t a vegetarian, suppose he feeds off another human? A female human? Then the lines of jealousy get pretty blurry. Is it cheating if he’s only on a date because he wants to eat her? What if he decides she smells or tastes better than you? Are these really the kind of questions you want to be asking yourself?

5. Lastly, vampires have baggage. Guilt, emotional imbalances due to the people they’ve killed. All they do is sulk and whine about how much it sucks to live forever and only come out at night. Because it’s not like they’re missing out on things like melanoma, or rush hour traffic. Vampire guys are just too pussified; if you want to date someone who doesn’t do anything but bitch and complain, –I suggest bisexuality.

Ashley writes for Vampires.com, Werewolves.com, and other sites in the Darksites Network. She’s involved in several seedy and disreputable activities, smokes too much, and spends her late nights procrastinating for work on her first novel.

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annimi • December 6, 2009


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Comments

  1. vampires
  2. Mari Miniatt
  3. Sukkit Sukhym December 14, 2009 - 4:40 pm Reply

    Yeah, because human men don’t bitch and complain all the time. *Sarcastic tone*.

  4. VampiresFTW December 14, 2009 - 9:05 pm Reply

    I agree….man NEVER complain *sacastic tone* But there are a bunch of good things that come out of dating a vampire. The mystrey, the adventure, many other things too.

  5. Vampire 18 August 24, 2010 - 9:59 am Reply

    most of these reasons are only because of the myths, what if they DO shower or DONT sleep in coffins (or sleep at all)? And yes they bitch and complain but so do all normal humans, have you met todays teens? (Pain in the ass, no offense just speaking the truth) So the only differences i see is that vampire guys are immmortal, know more about human nature then humans, drink blood, may or may not walk in the sun, shower or sleep in coffins. So i think i would rather take my chances with a vampire then a whiny human male, at least the vamp will have some intelligence.

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