Because I’m a sucker for marketing ploys, provided the market-ers are market-ing something I actually care about, which is somewhat rare, I had to, upon learning that Zaxby’s had some menu tie-ins to GHOSTBUSTERS: AFTERLIFE, head to my nearest Zaxby’s. I was disappointed. The food was fine. It always is at Zaxby’s. But there were no posters, no cutouts, nothing at all Ghostbusters-related that I could pilfer—I mean, photograph. The meal that is supposed to be inspired by the new movie is not advertised in-store as such. It’s just another menu item. The one item that is touted as being connected to the new film, the Cherry-Grape Blaster soda, appears for a few seconds at a time on the display screen of their shmancy soda machine before something else takes its place. You can get the special drink by pushing the proper button, but that’s it. (It tastes much like a “suicide soda”, the kind you create by mixing a little of each of the offerings at a cola machine. Granted, mine was the diet version, ‘cause I have the dye-beetus.)

Anyone remember the summer of 1989, the last time we got a new GHOSTBUSTERS movie? (No, the ill-advised attempted remake doesn’t count.) Hardee’s had official GHOSTBUSTERS II cups. They had little ghost blasters toys. They had the Slimer Sundae! And they had advertisements for these products prominently displayed in their restaurants. That’s what I wanted from Zaxby’s. Where were the little Staypufts?!