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It’s the bane of so many murderers. It would seem a given. What better way to cover up evidence of a crime than with a fire? What better way to dispose of a body than to burn it? Folks who watch shows like FORENSIC FILES (No fake CSI-type shows for me! I dig on the real deal! Documentaries are the way to go!) know better, but your average criminal? Probably not. The human body is over 70% water, see. That’s why human bodies don’t burn all that well. You can scorch the outside easily enough, but to fully consume a corpse requires a LOT of heat, way more than you can generate with your run-of-the-mill fire. How, then, did they do it back in the Stone Age? They didn’t have crematoriums back then. All they had was wood. We’re talking over a thousand degrees, here. That’s a whole lotta heat.

Scientists performed an experiment cremating a pig, using only the materials that would have been available to primitive peoples. It would seem the key is the amount of wood used. Like, a half-ton of wood. Your typical murderer today isn’t likely to spend as much time as is necessary to construct such a large funeral pyre.

Burning the dead, it goes without saying, is one surefire way to guarantee that the deceased don’t reanimate as vampires.

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (,, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase here:


TheCheezman • January 7, 2018

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