Interview with an Ex Vampire: Part 2

Okay, we’re back with more of the so-called ‘interview’ with Bill Schnoebel/en, –which I don’t get by the way. Several sources give the name ‘Schnoebel’ while the other 50% of sources call him ‘Schnoebelen’. Either way, his name is synonymous with ‘bullshit’. And speaking of big steaming piles of crap, the beginning of the fifth hour of Bill’s interview with Stephanie Relfe, who provokes more Church of Satan rambling, in which Bill eventually says he was a Satanic priest. Later on, he talks about Anton Lavey’s leadership skills, though he was actually asked to expand on the different branches of Satanic worship, –once again never mentioning Theistic Satanism, which is the worship of Satan specifically.

Here’s another interesting tidbit: Schnoebel claims that Anton Lavey cursed Sam Brody, the lover of dead actress Jayne Mansfield, both of whom were supposed to be fellow Satanists, and the curse was that Brody would be decapitated, and Lavey warned Mansfield that she should stay away from Brody. Later, they were killed in an accident, in which Brody and Mansfield were instantly killed. However, despite what Bill says, they were not both decapitated. Mansfield died of severe head trauma.

More from the fifth hour, Bill continues comparing the philosophies of Satanism to Ayn Rand, and then describes the proper way to incense yourself to perform black magic. He then alleges that Laveyan Satanists raise children without documentation, kidnap prostitutes and homeless people, in order to sacrifice them, –he implies that this is something that is an organized practice. Apparently, there’s this huge organization that no one is privy to, in which people are murdered, –but Bill tries to speak from firsthand experience, then backtracks when asked if he ever participated in the murder and sacrificial rituals. Bill admits that he sacrificed a hamster. In the end of the fifth hour, Bill talks about meeting a demon on one of Saturn’s moons. And the demon’s castle, also looks like the Denver airport.

Bill is at one point questioned about these paintings that moved, in the beginning of the sixth hour; he claims that ‘this fellow’ who taught him voodoo, got him really drunk, and then had poor Bill sleep in his living room. This is going to take me a few minutes to transcribe, but it’s absolutely unforgettable:

“He had me… after doing some rituals, and drinking several glasses of Wild Turkey, he said they were necessary to raise the energy levels, he was really into whiskey and stuff, and he was the fellow who taught me and initiated me into voodoo and …. I’d turn on the light and the paintings would have moved… and he told me earlier that part of the reason his plants looked so good, was that he ejaculated into the water he gave them, and these plants were healthy because they were watered with semen….”

Relfe: *gagging sound*

Bill said spending the night there was terrifying, and that this practitioner of voodoo was the most evil individual he ever knew. Right; well… whatever, but we’ve written about Voodoo/vodou in the past, and it’s actually closely tied to Christianity, which is by no means a perfect religion, but is far from evil. Speaking of, just a few minutes later in the sixth hour, Bill gives advice on how to bring serial killers and child murdering Satanists back to God. Shortly after, he talks about the difference between white and black magic, –funny, since all magic, according to the Christians is service to Satan, –I only bring this up because Bill claims to be a true Christian.

But one of my most favorite sections so far, is Bill’s claim that the Necronomicon is a real book. I’ve dissected that myself, and you can read about the Necronomicon here. But trust me, there is no such thing, and yes, it was invented by HP Lovecraft.

Bill: “..we had it, and we did some of the rituals, …but nothing that violent happened to us, and I believe it was because Yahweh was watching over us.”

Or you know, you had a copy of a fake book that never ever existed, so of course, nothing ever happened. At the end of the sixth hour, Bill starts talking about Mormons, and claims that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is nothing but a big cult, and it’s “a church founded by sorcerers for sorcerers.” Pretty funny, since I was once a Mormon, and was baptized as a Mormon, and never once, did anyone ever try to convince me that Jesus was the brother of Lucifer, or that he lived on another planet. And the Mormon temples, are decorated with pentagrams because they were originally Christian symbols. Check your facts Bill.

It isn’t until the last few minutes of the seventh hour that Bill stops deprecating the Mormon religion, and begins deprecating voodoo practitioners. He gives a  quick summary of voodoo, basically, a 12 year old baby Goth could tell you the same things. No actual in-depth information regarding the religion; we have several sites that talk about Voodoo, Vodou, and Vodun, and they’re much more in-depth. In fact, the only actual examples of real voodoo he can give are secondhand, and come from films; ‘The Believers, starring Martin Sheen.’

In the beginning of the eighth hour, Bill talks about Walt Disney’s connection with evil sorcery, and so on. Their plans are to take over the minds of children, and magic is evil, … oh and at Disneyland, people kidnap your children to brainwash them, temporarily. Bill claims that everything produced by Disney is “scientifically designed” to turn kids into soulless, unclean ‘wild donkeys.’ He also begins to bash gays, claiming that Disneyland’s ‘Gay Appreciation Day’ wasn’t ‘family friendly’ –despite the fact that gays and lesbians do -have- families, and children, and then implies that they were “in there doing ungodly things’. So within two hours, Bill has said that the Mormons are the new Aryan nation, and also demonstrated his own hatred for homosexuality.

Finally, Bill gets into a definition for the VAMPIRE!

“…A vampire is a member of an actual cult. There is a vampire cult that basically initiates people just like you’d be initiated into the Freemasons or something and these people believe after going through certain initiatic [sic] things and drinking blood or whatever they believe that they will acquire supernatural powers and upon their death, three days later, they will rise as a full fledged vampire.”

I really would like to stop here, and continue this in a special part three, where this lunatic finally starts discussing vampires, –or at least, what vampires are according to Bill. As a follow-up, we’ll also have an interview with the spiritual writer J.W. Morehead next week, to balance out the bullshit that Bill has spoonfed us so far.

By annimi

Ashley writes for,, and other sites in the Darksites Network. She's involved in several seedy and disreputable activities, smokes too much, and spends her late nights procrastinating for work on her first novel.


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