Interview with an Ex Vampire Part 3: Special Vampire Extension!
This is it people, finally Bill starts talking about his days as a vampire; right after he finishes talking about the kidnapping and brainwashing of children in Disneyland and Disneyworld theme parks. Lovely. So once Bill finishes his slander against Disney, he starts in on the vampire subculture and community. So, here is how and where it starts… with one little question:
Stephanie Relfe: “What is a vampire?”
Well, we answered that in Part 2 of the interview, but by no means does Bill stop there. He goes on to describe vampires; insert the copious amounts of “ahhhhmmm,” uhhhhm” and “ahhhhh” where you will.
“…there are certain things vampires can do and certain things vampires cannot do. For example, vampires do not like sunlight, they cannot really deal well with sunlight, they don’t like garlic because garlic is a blood purifier, and of course they don’t like Christian religious symbols. On the other hand they’re able to, they did… some of the things that are like Hollywood, –I’ve never seen a vampire turn into a bat, I never seen them turn into a mist, float under a door, or turn into a swarm of rats like you’d read about in the book Dracula, but they do seem to have some control over the elements and they do actually grow fangs. And they use those fangs to drink the blood of the living…”
Bill is later asked why and how he became a vampire, and he claims his reasoning was, because on the path to Satanism, he had to go somewhere with all this, he had the choice to become either a werewolf or a vampire. And seeing as how he knew a bunch of errr “Were-people” and shapeshifters, he says, he asked them what it was like, I guess because turning into a werewolf was his first choice. Alas he didn’t choose the path of the werewolf because his shapeshifter buddies said it was very painful. So Bill went for vampire transformation, of course. And the next question is:
Relfe: “What is the difference between a real vampire and a wannabe vampire?”
Some of my favorite bits in his rather windy answer:
“…Some of them [vampire wannabes] will actually drink blood, but they’ll do it in a much more… tacky way, they’ll have razor blades and they’ll cut someone’s wrist and drink a little blood and they’ll claim ‘this is the most intimate form of sexuality, because it’s an exchanging of energies’ and that much is true, but of course, Yahweh forbids us from drinking blood.”
“I was like a uhhh… first degree vampire. …The level I was at, I didn’t need a razor blade to drink blood.”
“I couldn’t eat, once I made the transition, into being a vampire initiate, I couldn’t… if I tried to eat anything I’d throw it up, if I tried to drink water I’d throw it up. The only things I could eat were blood and the Catholic communion.”
Later on, Bill says he knows Anne Rice must have been in contact with real vampires, because she described the change in the skin once there was the whole vampire initiation. Bill says his skin became translucent and veiny I guess, oh, and that his eyesight at night improved exponentially, which made sense to him because he slept all day in a very dark coffin. What one has to do with the other, I’m not entirely sure. At one point, the interviewer, Stephanie Relfe seems to show at least a small hint of common sense, when Bill claims he survived on one communion wafer a day and human blood for months. Little note here kids: human blood consumed in large amounts will make you physically ill. Eating one communion wafer per day will keep you alive for about three days, with no water. With the blood, you might live for about… a week and a half if you lived on Bill’s diet.
Later on, Relfe asks Bill how he became a vampire; the actual process. Bill claims that he used a combination of ‘special’ herbs that he won’t name because he doesn’t want anyone messing around with the stuff, and then he was trained to become a psychic vampire. After that, he did large amounts of cocaine. Then he went to the ‘Nosferatu’ mass, which ‘he thinks’ is the Romanian word for ‘undead’. However, after a look through Wikipedia and a translator, it looks like for the most part, that ‘nosferatu’ is a made up word, compiled from various folklore terminology.
Bill then reveals what his role would be if he was made a complete vampire, –for which he’d have to die first, –he’d become the angel of death. He’d go to big cities and sit by the bedsides of dying people and suck up their life energy, store it in a special ring, then go distribute it into the Cosmos. Yup. He’s asked at one point if he ever took blood, and he says as his vampire condition progressed, he became almost unable to control himself, and as he delivered newspapers third shift, he wanted to rip out the throat of the occasional prostitute. Wooow. Newspaper delivery man is a vampire; you’ll never feel the same about those newspaper guys now, will you? After that last bit about vampires in part 8 of the 9 hours, Bill tells my favorite story: a Mormon bishop turns into a werewolf because he gets riled up about Christians preaching against the Latter Day Saints. Wow. And like they say after Looney Toons, –this being the more ridiculous and less believable version, –that’s all folks.