Movies, Movies, I Get Sent Movies
On the surface it sounds like a sweet deal. I get links for free viewing of movies in exchange for a hoped-for (on their part) review. Problem is, I’m on metered data usage and watching a movie would use up an entire month’s allotment. Also, there’s no way to comfortably curl up on the sofa with a computer, even a laptop. Also, again, I simply don’t have time to sit around and watch all these movies. I used to get paid to do nothing but reviews for a different site, so I did it, but I’d wait till the wee hours of the morning when there was unlimited data usage. (Who needs sleep?) I saw some good films and I saw some stinkers. Back then, though, at least all I got sent was Horror movies. Nowadays, not so much. Cases in point, I recently received links to these movies and requests for reviews:
FIVE FINGERS OF MARSEILLES
Official synopsis: “The residents of the colonial town of Marseilles are under the thumb of police oppression and only the young rebels known as the Five Fingers are willing to stand up to them. Their battle is just, until Tau kills two policemen and flees the scene. The remaining rebels disband while the banished Tau resorts to a life of crime. Twenty years later, now known as feared outlaw The Lion of Marseilles, he is released from prison. He returns home, desiring only peace and to reconnect with those he left behind. The battle for South Africa’s freedom has been won, and former comrades-in-arms are in prominent positions as mayor, police chief, and pastor. But it quickly becomes clear to Tau that Marseilles is caught in the grip of a vicious new threat—and he must reconstitute the Five Fingers to fight frontier justice. Standing against former allies and new enemies, the re-formed Five Fingers saddle up and ride out, and put their lives at risk to save their beloved Marseilles.”
Sounds interesting. The retired gunfighter formula, only set in South Africa. But what does it have to do with vampires or Horror? A movie doesn’t necessarily have to feature a vampire in it for me to review it for this site. I try to cover not only all things vampire but things that might be tangentially of interest to vampire marks, too. But I can’t figure out how to make this one fit.
How about this one. It’s THE HOBBIT on a shoestring. “From High Octane Pictures…comes a fire-breathing, wind-riding fantasy adventure that’ll run ‘rings’ around the competition…! In a fantasy world of dragons, magic and myths, four Dwarves are mining in the dangerous Dragon Mountain when a sudden, violent explosion causes a cave in, trapping the Dwarves inside. With oxygen getting low and supplies dwindling the group must work together to figure a way out before it’s too late. But the path to freedom may not be as simple as they hope when they cross paths with a hungry creature tracking them in the darkness.”
Groan. A pun comparing their film to the LORD OF THE RINGS franchise. Not exactly a savvy business move, in my opinion. Calling attention to bigger, better movies.
Also guilty of this same faux pas is THE BASEMENT. “Don’t be ‘Split’ on your decision to see THE BASEMENT this September! Mischa Barton (“The OC”, THE SIXTH SENSE) stars in a unique new horror film from Brian M. Conley and Nathan Ives…Craig is abducted and wakes up in a basement. His captor, Bill, is a twisted serial killer who wishes to reenact his own capture, with Craig playing the part of Bill and Bill playing everyone else. As Bill tortures Craig, he cycles through a number of personas, all while Craig tries desperately to find a way into Bill’s pathology in order to save himself.”
At least this one is a Horror film, but it’s unlikely I’ll have the time to watch it—or the inclination—before the screener link expires.
I’ve given you some publicity, anyway, movie people, if not reviews. Anyone who finds any of these projects of interest can google them to learn how to see them, and when and where.
When are the big studios going to start comping me free tickets to the theater in exchange for reviews? I’m a far better prospect for them than your standard Siskels and Eberts. I actually DIG on Horror.
WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (www.evilcheezproductions.blogspot.com, www.facebook.com/evilcheezproductions), specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase here: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/734763
MORTUI VELOCES SUNT!