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Mummify Yourself!

Remember that character in LADY IN THE WATER who wanted to be “special” so he worked out constantly, but only worked one side of his body, the result being that one half of his body looked ‘roided-up and the other looked scrawny and he looked weird? If you, like that character, feel the need to do something extreme to your body to appear “special,” may I recommend self-mummification? After all, ANYbody can get a thousand piercings or tattoo themselves blue.

Yes, it is possible to turn yourself into a mummy while you’re still alive. Some Buddhist monks, called sokushinbutsu or “Buddhas in the flesh,” have done it. (And here I thought Buddha was supposed to be fat and happy.) Self-made mummies have been found in Japan, China, and India.

Now if you’re thinking that this practice doesn’t sound particularly Buddhist, you would be right. From the linked article: “[It is] important to remember that the sokushinbutsu…married esoteric Buddhism with indigenous spiritual practices [and] believed they attained special powers through ascetic acts. [They] saw the practice not as suicide, but as a path to immortality and…transcendence rather than death…They would remain in their mummified state, which was viewed as a death-like trance, for 5.67 billion years until they would be called upon to [resurrect and serve] all humankind.” 5.67 billion years? That’s a hell of a shelf-life!

TheCheezman • August 13, 2018


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