Remember when I reported on the opening of that gigantic black sarcophagus in Egypt? You should, since it was just last week. They popped the top on the thing to discover a trio of disassembled skeletons floating in some kind of red juice. Experts theorized that it, rather than blood, which is what it looked like, was in fact raw sewage. The results are in now, though, and we can report for certain that the bloody red liquid was actually…yeah, it was sewage. I figure the smell tipped ‘em off.
There are some, however, who refuse to accept that the stinky red goo is not “juice for mummies that contains an elixir of life.” There is a petition on Change.org demanding that people be allowed to drink the liquid. This petition has over 30,000 signatures. I signed it, and I hope you will too. I say, if people want to drink sewage, they should be allowed! They could boil it first to kill all the pathogens so nobody would actually die from consuming it, but surely boiling wouldn’t rob the “elixir” of its life-prolonging qualities—if it ever had any to begin with. Throw in a little sugar for flavoring. I’d buy a bottle.
I actually WOULD buy a bottle, if it wasn’t too expensive. MY “mummy juice,” however, would remain undrunk in its bottle, sitting on my bookshelf as a collector’s item.
WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced, and directed (and occasionally acted in) over two dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and True Crime genres. He obtained a doctorate in Occult Studies from Miskatonic University and is an active paranormal investigator. Is frequently told he resembles Anton Lavey. And Ming the Merciless.
Denn die totden reiten schnell!