NObody beats Dracula
Sun Tzu — the author of the “Art of War;” versus Vlad the Impaler — the face behind Dracula.
Have you seen the show THE DEADLIEST WARRIOR? It airs occasionally on the Spike cable network. It’s essentially the same show as Discovery Channel’s ANIMAL FACE-OFF, which I have also enjoyed. You get together a group of various experts, run some in-laboratory tests, crunch some numbers and sort some data, and make the two kinds of animal fight—in computer simulations, that is. Then you deduce, based upon the number of outcomes of those computer-simulated battles, which one would likely win in a REAL fight. DEADLIEST WARRIOR is the same deal, only instead of animals they select famous (or infamous) figures from history, people known for their martial prowess.
They finally got around to featuring Vlad III of Wallachia, aka Vlad the Impaler—aka DRACULA. Who’d’ they make him fight? Sun Tzu. You know, the guy who wrote THE ART OF WAR. Who literally wrote the book on military tactics. I watched, fearful that the computer would award the win to Sun Tzu. After all, as strategists go, the guy’s regarded as THE authority on the subject. But no, turned out Sun Tzu’s strategy was no match for Dracula’s vicious, berserker assault and his superior weapons. The end of the fight saw Sun Tzu impaled on a stake, the exact result *I* would have predicted. (In a postscript, they brought Vlad back to face no less a personage than Attila the Hun, perhaps one of Drac’s ancestors. Dracula won AGAIN.) Dracula the deadliest warrior? I coulda told ‘em THAT.
WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced, and directed (and occasionally acted in) over two dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and True Crime genres. He obtained a doctorate in Occult Studies from Miskatonic University and is an active paranormal investigator. Is frequently told he resembles Anton Lavey. And Ming the Merciless.
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