On the Lighter Side

Didn’t think that vampires have a sense of humor? Sure, they enjoy the same yuk-yuks that we all do! Here are some of the best vampire jokes that we could find. Let us know what joke you tell when you see a certain vamp looking pretty glum.

What is Transylvania?
Dracula’s Terror-tory!

What kind of boat does Dracula own?
A blood vessel!

Where did the police put Dracula when he went to jail?
A blood cell!

Where does Dracula keep his money?
In a blood bank!

What kind of pet does Dracula own?
A blood hound!

What animal is the perfect baseball mascott?
A bat!

What is the favored sport among vampires?

Why can’t Dracula keep any friends?
Because he’s a pain in the NECK!

What is the favored fruit among vampires?

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?

What happens when a vampire gets mad?
They go a little batty!

Why did the vampire want to be an actor?
It was in his blood.

Who plays center forward for the vampire football team?
The ghoulscorer.

What vampire tried to kill James Bond?

What day of the week are vampires most likely to bite you?
On Wincedays!

What’s the first thing vampires are taught in school?
The alphabat!

Why are there so many vampires in Hollywood?
They need an actor for the bit parts!

How does a vampire keep his floor dry after a shower?
He uses a bat mat.

Why don’t vampires like to argue?
Because they don’t like to become cross.

How did the vampire get his heart broken?
He had loved in vein.

Why was the vampire said to be single-minded?
He was a complete sucker!

How do you join a Vampire Fan Group?
Send your name, address, and blood type.

What do vampires take when they’re not feeling very well?
Coffin medicine!

By Veritas

Veritas is a faerie child, switched at birth and left with wonderful parents in a small shack deep in the hills of West Virginia. He believes in magick and hopes to inspire readers lured into the enchanted path. Occasionally, he'll post contributions from other authors so drop us an email if you're interested.


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