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Pattinson’s Doppelganger

I think I’ve got it figured out. Being a huge TWIN PEAKS mark helped. For those of you culturally deprived who never watched the show, let me explain. The hero, FBI agent Dale Cooper, was trapped in another dimension, the “Black Lodge,” for 25 years between the show’s second and third seasons. During this time he was replaced by an evil lookalike, in actuality a demon named B.O.B. in disguise. What happened on the show has happened in a few instances in real life. Bill Cosby, for example. He died in 1991 but was replaced by an evil doppelganger. This doppelganger, the Doppel-Cos, was even able to travel through time, going back into the past to commit sex crimes. Same thing happened with Michael Jackson, who died in 1990. It happened with Kevin Sorbo, too, sans the time travel bit. Sorbo left us in the late 90s and was replaced by the doppelganger we still have plaguing us today. We don’t know if the real Sorbo is dead or just trapped in an alternate dimension.

After the last TWILIGHT movie, a spirit came out of the White Lodge, a *good* doppelganger that did away with Robert Sparkly-britches Pattinson and took his place. The real reason that Pattinon’s and Kristen Stewert’s relationship failed was because Pattinson was no longer Pattinson but Doppel-Pat. See, it all makes sense now!

As it turns out, Doppel-Pat is a hell of an actor. We’re better off having Doppel-Pat than we were with the original Pattinson.

TheCheezman • November 18, 2019


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