Let’s get our astronomy on, y’all!
You may have seen the headlines this week. Scientists Konstantin Batygin and Mike Brown claim to have proven the existence of a TENTH planet in our solar system. They are saying it’s a NINTH planet, because they no longer designate poor little Pluto as an authentic planet. I say they are wrong! Pluto is still a planet, thus this new planet would be the TENTH in our solar system. IF it exists. Brown and Batygin maintain that they have proven the existence of this planet without actually laying eyes on it. Something to do with mathematics. I’m not sure of the specifics. I’ll just take their word for it.
One thing they are adamant about, though, is that their new planet, which is ten times the size of the Earth, be called “Planet Nine,” eschewing the more familiar theoretical term “Planet X.” They want to divorce it from any fantastical associations. Sorry, dudes. The name change won’t work. The first thing I though of when hearing your news was that Zecharia Sitchin’s Nibiru had been found, or the homeworld of King Ghidora and the Man from Planet X, the Planet Lucifer from Yukinobu Hoshino’s “Lucifer Rising,” or even Planet Aura from Mario Bava’s PLANET OF THE VAMPIRES! (They’re talking about a planet that hasn’t even been FOUND yet like it’s for-sure real, so anything is possible, right?)
WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced, and directed (and occasionally acted in) over two dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and True Crime genres. He obtained a doctorate in Occult Studies from Miskatonic University and is an active paranormal investigator. Is frequently told he resembles Anton Lavey. And Ming the Merciless.
Denn die totden reiten schnell!