Planned Parenthood Gives Instructions On How To Have Safe Sex With Vampires… seriously

Oh yes Dear Readers, you read that title correctly. The wonderful Planned Parenthood recently sent out a notice with instructions on how to have safe sex with vampires. Haha! The idea was no doubt inspired by Halloween and probably the Center for Disease Control as well. A few months ago the CDC used the zombie hype to get people to learn about disease prevention. They wrote up an article jokingly instructing citizens how to keep themselves safe in the event of a zombie apocalypse. The Internet LOVED it! So it’s no wonder why Planned Parenthood did something similar with vampires and sex. Who doesn’t love sexy vampires?

In an email press release sent out on Halloween, Planned Parenthood wrote up some helpful advice on how to stay safe and STD-free while having sex with vampires.

Here’s email, it is absolutely awesome!

Contact: PPFA Media Office, 212-261-xxxx
Thinking About Having Sex with a Vampire This Halloween?

Planned Parenthood Is Here to Help

Let’s face it: vampires can rack up a lot of sexual partners over the years. Your vampire might be the same age as you, or she or he might be thousands of years old. But no matter how old you are, if you’re going to jump into bed with a vampire, you’re going to need more than a clove of garlic to protect your health.

Here are some things to think about before you enter into a sexual relationship with a vampire:

Vampires might be immortal, but you’re not. It’s important for both vampires and humans to get tested for STDs. Use this tool to find out if you should get tested for STDs.

Ladies, just because a vampire says he can’t get you pregnant*, it doesn’t mean he can’t give you an STD. And guys, just because a vampire says she’s on the pill, it doesn’t mean that you can’t get an STD. Use a condom correctly every time.

Don’t wait until you’re in the heat of the moment to bring up safer sex. Vampires have been known to “glamour” people to get their way, so play it safe and make it clear that you won’t have sex without protection right from the start.

Remember, a vampire who doesn’t care about protecting your health is not the kind of vampire that you want to get involved with. Not sure if you’re dating the right vampire? We can help you figure it out.

* Let’s not forget, Edward got Bella pregnant in the Twilight series, going against hundreds of years of vampire lore. So even if your vampire tells you he can’t get you pregnant, why risk it? Condoms are not only a great way to prevent STDs, they’re effective at preventing pregnancy. Even better, use a condom along with another birth control method.

I love it! It’s highly entertaining and it has a great message. Very clever Planned Parenthood, I tip my hat to you.

What do you guys think of the email?

– Moonlight

By Moonlight

Moonlight (aka Amanda) loves to write about, read about and learn about everything pertaining to vampires. You will most likely find her huddled over a book of vampire folklore with coffee in hand. Touch her coffee and she may bite you (and not in the fun way).


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  16. What a hilarious way to send a serious message.

    Ironically, anyone writing about living vampires will have to address the question of pregnancy (since even ‘undead’ Edward Cullen somehow managed to knock Bella up).

  17. i laughed when they mentioned Twilight, but they do get a serious issue across without it being too serious and boring. its also an interesting concept, how many ppl would take it seriously since there would be “vampires” out on halloween – especially among the teenagers.

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