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Return of the Vampire Squirrel

Researchers set up infrared cameras and captured the first-ever videos of the legendary vampire squirrel of Borneo and Indonesia. Are the stories true?

Remember the Vampire Squirrel of Borneo? I’ve written about it before. According to natives, this large, fuzzy-tailed rodent is known to leap upon deer and sink it’s sharp little wedge-like, NOSFERATU-looking teeth into the deer’s throat, bearing it to the ground and sucking it dry in its best impersonation of the Latin American CHUPACABRA. It’s ludicrous, it’s hilarious, and it can’t possibly be true—except that it might be. Now there is even more proof. The Vampire Squirrel has been photographed for the first time.

Like Count Dracula masquerading amidst his victims as a suave, sophisticated—but harmless—European aristocrat, the vampire Squirrel has a benign alternate identity; the tufted ground squirrel, it is called. Such a cute and harmless name for a creature that IS cute but may be anything BUT harmless. Don’t be so quick to discount the testimony of the natives, modern Science. They have a lot more experience with the Vampire Squirrel than you do. I for one believe wholeheartedly in the Vampire Squirrel. And I kinda want one as a pet.

Live in fear, deer and chickens of Borneo! The Vampire Squirrel walks by night!



TheCheezman • September 16, 2015

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