Okay, normally, I would never cover something like this, –and at some point, someone will probably say something about it not being really all that relevant. But it was so funny, I had to; so forgive me, dear audience, because I’ve fallen to the temptation of humor. Right now, Alan Ball, the father of True Blood, probably the best show to ever grace HBO’s frequency, is probably not laughing. He may in fact, be sniffling and comforting the pre-historically verbal birds that are going to end up costing him, most likely, millions of his hard earned cash. Apparently, Tarantino is not a bird lover, –and if he ever had even a fraction of interest in their appearance, it was crushed when he heard the horrifying noises they make. As a bird hater, I can really, truly, sympathize with him.
Quentin Tarantino, as you may have guessed, is suing Alan Ball over his birds. TMZ covers the story of man against bird, bird against neighbor:
“Quentin Tarantino is going to WAR with his famous neighbor — claiming the guy owns a ton of exotic birds that constantly emit “blood-curdling screams” … and it’s affecting Q’s ability to write scripts!
Ironically, the guy Tarantino is feuding with is another Academy Award winning writer — Alan Ball — the guy who wrote “American Beauty” and created “True Blood.”
According to Quentin’s lawsuit, filed today in L.A. County Superior Court, Tarantino claims ever since Ball installed an “exotic bird menagerie” — Quentin has been forced to endure the “obnoxious pteradactyl-like screams” of the macaw birds.
In fact, Q claims the noise has “seriously disrupted [his] ability to work as a writer in his home.”
Tarantino says he tried to amicably resolve the matter with Ball — but Alan has “done little to eliminate the macaws’ daily cacophony” … so he wants the judge to force Ball to silence them once and for all.”
Now readers, I have to say this, and I don’t care for Ball’s feelings. He’s never cared much for us, neither has HBO or the whole True Blood establishment, despite the sincerity of our unrequited love affair. So sue on, Tarantino, and not only because we know how just Ball’s deserts are, but because I know something about the sounds a bunch of exotic pet birds can make. A friend of mine has owned a bird that makes noises I have only ever heard come from a frightened donkey, and I grew up next to a house full of them. Tarantino is not only doing Vampires.com a favor by giving back some of the despair that True Blood has given us, but he’s doing me a personal favor by eliminating the noises of creatures that should long ago have been silenced by evolution. Thank you, Mr. Tarantino.