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First things first: If you are a Horror fan, and a fan of the classic Universal Monsters in particular, get your ass to the theater and see this movie! NOW! Will you love everything about it? Probably not. Especially if you’re a fan of the classics. Will you LIKE it, though? Enjoy it? Appreciate it for what it is? You damn sure should. The slow-boil, subtle, understated, creeping-sense-of-dread approach taken by all the old Universal classics is, sadly, a thing of the past. THAT is what we all really want, isn’t it, my fellow Monsterkids? A movie just like they used to make in the good ol’ days. But they don’t make those kinds of movies anymore. We have to accept that. Doesn’t mean we can’t still get a good, entertaining Monster flick, though, which THE MUMMY assuredly is.

Weaknesses? Sure. The lead actress (NOT The Mummy) isn’t much of an actress, and then there’s Tom Cruise. Throughout the whole film I never cared about his character, not until the very end, when they finally did something interesting (but not altogether unexpected) with him. (I won’t give away what, exactly, in order to keep this spoiler-free.) No, this is Sofia Boutella’s movie, through and through, regardless of whom got top billing. And Russell Crowe’s movie, too. His dual performances as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde are superb. Additionally, this isn’t the balls-out Horror flick the hardcore fans would want, if they can’t have the “classic” approach. Even so, it’s much darker than the MUMMY films starring Brendan Frazer. It’s as close to a straight Horror movie as we’re going to get. I don’t want this to sound like I am “settling,” though. THE MUMMY is a genuinely entertaining, visually arresting movie with a solid if not intricate plot and a worthy leading lady. (This time I AM talking about Sofia Boutella’s badass Mummy. Is she Boris Karloff or Lon Chaney, Jr.? No. But she holds her ground. And she’s a helluvalot sexier.) Even if it’s as much an Action/Adventure film as it is a Horror picture (and it’s almost nonstop action), THE MUMMY is still a satisfying entree into the updated “Dark Universe” of the next generation of Universal Monsters. Don’t miss this one.

(By the way, The Mummy is VERY vampire-like in this one, sucking out her victim’s life-forces to make herself young and hot again, as well as controlling rats, spiders, birds, and the weather. The only real differences between her and a stereotypical movie vampire are that she has bandages instead of fangs and drinks souls instead of blood. And, though it’s never addressed in the movie, I doubt garlic would make much of an impression on her. And she appears to have no fear of the sunlight. And a stake through the heart probably wouldn’t do anything to her…Okay, so maybe there are a FEW differences. Vampire marks should still dig on this one.)

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (,, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase here:


TheCheezman • June 10, 2017

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