Last week I reported on the two giant Corpse Flowers competing for attention, one in New York and one in Washington DC, as they both prepared to unfurl their stinky blossoms after a several-years-long wait apiece. As it turns out, though, there aren’t just two of these gargantuan lilies (Note: They aren’t really lilies in the taxonomic sense; I am being poetic here, alright?) preparing to pollute the air and enthrall botany buffs. There are some half dozen of these stinkers, and they’re all blooming at the same time. Why? Do they herald the advent of some great vampire master? I wish; looking at the choice we have in this year’s election, I’d welcome a vampiric overlord taking over the world. Wait, I know! They are blooming in protest of John “The Jerk” Logan prematurely canceling PENNY DREADFUL and then lying to his fans about it! These flowers stink, and so do you, John Logan!
There were only 157 recorded blooms of the Corpse Flowers, or AMORPHOPHALLUS TITANUM, to use its scientific classification, between 1889 and 2008. Having so many now blooming at one time is bizarre, and scientists don’t really know why it’s happening. Are we about to see an invasion? Are the Corpse Flowers mutating, turning into big bloodsucking, intelligent geraniums (Note: They aren’t really geraniums, either.) like the nasty weeds in THE RUINS or the original THING FROM ANOTHER WORLD? Again, considering the upcoming election, I say bring on the begonias!
