Salma Hayek Is So Hot Gray

SPOILER WARNING! I was going to title this article “Salma Hayek Is So Hot Dead” but that would have necessitated the use of including the words SPOILER WARNING! in the title itself, and even then the title would have *been* a spoiler. Yes, if you haven’t seen ETERNALS yet—SPOILER WARNING!—Salma Hayek’s character dies. Is—SPOILER WARNING!—murdered, actually, by Ikaris, in one of the best heel turns (wrestling lingo) I’ve seen in a movie (in that I totally didn’t see it coming), although it was likely to have pissed off all the Ikaris fans. Before the movie, just from the comics, Ikaris was always my favorite Eternal. I have to admit, though, he made a *great* villain; the worst kind of villain, the most dangerous, because he truly believed he was in the right.

Anyway, after Ikaris kills Ajak and then brings her back to her ranch to pose the body and make it look like the Deviants killed her (which technically they did) and she’s all gray…yeah, it pushed my button. Activated my kink. I’ve always thought she was a beautiful woman. Back in the day I even sat through that movie she was in with that dude from FRIENDS because she was in it. But she’s never looked hotter to me than when they put that corpse makeup on her.

I’m thinking of seeing a therapist.

By TheCheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced, and directed (and occasionally acted in) over two dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and True Crime genres. He obtained a doctorate in Occult Studies from Miskatonic University and is an active paranormal investigator. Is frequently told he resembles Anton Lavey. And Ming the Merciless. Denn die totden reiten schnell!

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