Satanic Ice Cream and Vampire Ice Cream
While doing research for another article I was preparing for this week—yes, I actually do research every now and then—I came across something too delicious, pardon the pun, please, to ignore. Fodder for a second article. Both have to do with ice cream. They have “Dracula Premium” garlic-flavor ice cream in Shingou. (This would seem to be a misnomer. If it has garlic in it, shouldn’t it be called “Anti-Dracula” ice cream?) And in Canada they’re serving up Lucifer’s own favorite flavor of the cold sweet stuff. It’s called “Sweet Jesus Ice Cream.” And it’s got the uptights all kinds of uptight. They even started a petition to condemn the heresy of the ice cream.
“The Heresy of the Ice Cream” is the title of a movie that has never been made but I sure wish it had.
Say the uptights: “Choosing the name of our Lord for a brand of soft-serve ice cream is totally offensive and revolting…this is anything but a mere mistake…The message is clear: ‘Sweet Jesus’ is all about trashing Christianity and mocking the saving work of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Hey, the message must not be *that* clear, since it never occurred to me to get offended until they told me I ought to.
Here’s what the heathens at Sweet Jesus had to say about it: “Our name was created from the popular phrase that people use as an expression of enjoyment, surprise or disbelief. Our aim is not to offer commentary on anyone’s religion or belief systems. Our own organization is made up of amazing people that represent a wide range of cultural and religious beliefs.” A likely story. If the ice cream is so innocent, why do they feature vampire fangs on their cups? Huh? HUH?!
WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced, and directed (and occasionally acted in) over two dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and True Crime genres. He obtained a doctorate in Occult Studies from Miskatonic University and is an active paranormal investigator. Is frequently told he resembles Anton Lavey. And Ming the Merciless.
Denn die totden reiten schnell!