Season 1, Episode 12 of True Blood
This is it folks, the season finale! Which means this synopsis might be really damn long, or really damn short. But either way, my next synopsis will be the premier of True Blood’s second season. Jason sits in his jail cell dealing out all of his possessions, his jacket to Hoyt, the house, money and such to Sookie, and his truck, to Rene, who stands listening to Jason. Rene being the real suspect, he tells Jason that it’s not like he killed a bunch of “innocent” women; they were all fangbangers. Jason gets pissed off at Rene’s supposed insinuation that Jason’s grandma was a fangbanger. Rene tries to smooth things over by telling Jason that, he’s sure that he had his reasons for doing it, if he did. Sookie tumbles in with a deputy trying desperately to get her to obey the station rule of one visitor at a time, but she squashes his argument, and rushes to the bars to her brother. Jason tells her he knows it was him, but Sookie tells him to shut up, because she’s close to discovering the identity of the real killer. In the background, Rene looks up, concerned. The cue the theme song!
Dance to Bad Things like never before, or at least I did, when I found out how long it’d be before the new season came out. I’ll be seeing my first episode of season 2 tomorrow! Woohoo! Maybe even tonight! Back to the show: Sookie is telling Jason everything she’s found out about Drew and Cindy Marshall. Rene thinks to himself, but Sookie hears him, wondering why she hasn’t gone to the police yet; she answers him out loud, and Rene thinks again how weird her telepathy was. Jason argues anyway, still certain that he’s the killer. He calls for Andy to get Sookie out of there, and Andy escorts her away. Sookie inquires about the fax, but they never received it, and Andy tells her that the real murderer is Jason. Sookie gives Andy the evil eye and tells him off proper.
Tara wakes up in a huge, soft unfamiliar bed, and looks around, half confused. She puts on a robe left for her in the chair, and goes out to the porch where a big, bald quiet guy serves her breakfast on a silver platter; literally. The weird servant type wanders off, and the pig lady, aka Maryann Forrester, joins Tara at the table to begin the hazing process. The thing is, I haven’t seen any of the second season yet, and I only know a little about the pig lady’s character from the books, and the subplot with Tara isn’t in them. So this whole thing we have here is totally unprecedented and impossible to speculate on except: this shit ain’t right. I keep expecting her to try to convert Tara to scientology. Maryann makes small talk, and the two discuss how Tara’s situation is an “opportunity” while the creepy, badly dressed servant watches them from the window. No doubt, adding Tara’s panties to his inventory. Maryann asks Tara what she wants, how she wants her life to be, and so on, but Tara doesn’t really have any answers for her. She tells Maryann that she’d better go, and that she’ll pay her back as soon as she can.
Maryann however, tells Tara to sit down, eat, let her clothes dry, and states that they both know Tara has nowhere to go. Why Tara obeys is a mystery, considering her usual belligerent tendencies. Maryann tells her that all she wants to do is help, and give her a chance to set things straight. Inside, Tara’s phone rings; Sam is calling, but the bald man is in the room, making the bed. He pushes the end button on the keypad, sending Sam to voicemail, pockets Tara’s phone, and continues making Tara’s bed, Aha, the plot thickens. What have these freaks got planned for little Miss Tara Mae? I wonder what sort of life etiquette can be offered by a woman who runs around naked in the middle of the night with pigs. Sam leaves a message, half angry, half worried on Tara’s voicemail, and ends the message as Sookie’s entering his office at the bar. She sighs, and turns away from him, clearly not in the mood for doggie boy today.
Sam tells her he’s surprised that she’s working today, with everything going on with her brother, but she tells him she’s not afraid of everyone talking or thinking about her. She also tells him she’ll need all the money she can get to hire a private investigator to clear Jason, and there’s the chance that she even knows the killer. Back at Jason’s cell, a visitor has come to see Jason; a representative of the Fellowship of the Sun. Oh boy, sounds like the Scientol –I mean, the nutcases have come to town. Jason sits up, interested in what the guy wants, but a bit wary all the same. Jason asks about whether they were just anti-vampire, but the man gives him a sort of watered down explanation of their stance. Like, the KKK would say, “we’re devoted to protecting the ways of Aryan and Anglo-Saxon culture” while everyone with a brain say, “you’re just a bunch of racists in sheets”. That’s the way this guy kind of puts things.
Jason says he used to hate vampires, but then he got to know one, and he was all right, until he got him killed. The Fellowship representative, tells him he’s wrong, and that he did a service to his species for killing the vampire. Basically, the guy is using pretty language to tell him that although the Fellowship of the Sun wouldn’t be caught dead encouraging Jason in private, they do applaud him for killing off fangbangers, in private. Jason gets a bit confused by all the political speech and puffed up vocabulary, and tells the man he has no idea what he’s talking about. The Fellowship rep, obviously not keen on Jason’s vacuousness, says, “That’s smart. Don’t admit to anything.” Riiight. Now he tells Jason they have a fund going for his defense, and goes for his pamphlets. The rep takes Jason’s hand, tells him he’s a brave soldier, God loves him, he’ll be saved! and so on. Jason looks at the religious nut like he’s cracked, before he wanders off in search of other convicts, er… converts.
Tara meanwhile, is inspecting Maryann’s enormous pool, before she sheds her robe, revealing a perhaps borrowed bikini, testing the water, and does a cannon ball into the pool. After her swim, she steps into the house to find a massive and “bountiful” spread of ever fruit from Eden, and soft guitar music in the background. In the living room Tara meets a dreamy black guy with a guitar, who introduces himself as “Eggs” because his name is actually Benedict. Well, okay then. Tara tries to give him the speech about how her name is screwed up too, but he cuts her off, and tells her that Tara is a pretty name. Tara asks, tactfully, if Maryann and ‘Eggs’ (hahaha, duh), are dating, and he tells her that no, he’s just staying here until he’s on his feet again. She asks if Maryann collects stray black people as a hobby, and he laughs, telling her that Maryann was right: Tara is funny. I never got that impression personally; an out of control bitch, a belligerent racist against white people, and so on, but funny? Not really. If you say so, “Eggs”.
Tara asks what else Maryann told him, and he basically tells her the short and long of it; that he was told Tara had crashed her car, and was drunk. Eggs claims that he too was a mess when Maryann found him. Tara allows herself a flicker of common sense, when she mentions that the situation is too good to be true. Eggs denies it, and gives her the, “you’re just surprised by nice people because your life sucks, here have some of the Kool-Aid Jim made for us,” speech. He tells her that “sometimes, good shit happens” and I’ll be damned if that isn’t southern philosophy at its finest. Meanwhile, out in the yard, the crazy ass pig lady sits in front of a large pig in the yard, and is apparently, having some trouble with her vibrator. It looks like she’s experiencing either electrocution, or her tracking needs adjusted. Either way, someone in the special effects department needs a stern talking to.
In his truck, Rene shrieks, and howls like a dog on Ritalin to Devil in Disguise, before speeding away to Merlotte’s were he sits for a bit at a table. Sookie comes in, and is immediately met with a hundred vicious thoughts about her and Jason, as well as the smiling face of Andy Bellefleur, as he brags to the local slut bags that it was he alone who nabbed the wily Jason Stackhouse, serial killer. Bud Dearborn gets irate and takes off, while Sookie stands, shocked, before Sam pulls her out of the crowd, and tries sending her to his trailer to rest. She refuses, saying she’d rather drive around, and eventually wins the argument for her safety. Sookie heads off to her car, but it won’t start. Rene appears at the window, and offers to take a look. After a moment, he admits he doesn’t know much about fixin’ cars, and offers Sookie a ride, and some company till Sam shows up. Sookie accepts the offer, and everyone watching is probably hollering at their TV’s right now. Whether it’s because Sookie stuns us with her inability to use common sense once again, or the typical movie ‘shock’ shouting.
Terry pulls up in his truck, and tells Sookie that he told his cousin, Andy Bellefleur, that he’s known killers, and Jason ain’t one. Sookie thanks him, but Terry laments once again, that no one ever listens to him, but they should. As they head over to Rene’s truck, we get a close up of Sookie’s engine, and some important little lines have been cut. To what, who knows, but it sure looks important. In the truck on the way to Sookie’s house, Sookie tellsÂ Rene, or Drew Marshall, that she can’t believe Jason gave him his truck. Rene tells her that he tried to talk Jason out of it, –liar!, –but Jason “wu’d’n’t havin’ it”. Rene/Drew asks if it’s true about Sookie, that she can really hear thoughts, and then tries to mask his thoughts with “think about nothin’, nothin'” and so on. Sookie tells him not to bother thinking about nothing because it isn’t possible. And yet, she continues to miss that fact that he doesn’t think with an accent. Oh wait, there it is, sounds like a couple of the blonde marbles in Sookie’s head finally collided and sparked.
Rene/Drew remarks that it must be hard on Sookie, “livin’ wit that” and she agrees, telling him that people think a lot of ugly thoughts, and that she’s used to hearing them about herself, but not about her brother. She states that Jason, her brother, is all she has left. Rene/Drew scoops a wadded up, hopefully unused tissue out of his pocket to give to Sookie, who dries her eyes. The camera followed his hand suspiciously, so while he’s reaching, we’re left to wonder if he’s reaching for a weapon, or just adjusting his boner. Which he might have done in the process of getting the tissue. Eww. He tells Sookie that he’s lost people too, by way of sympathy, but if Sookie knew he was actually talking about strangling the life out of his sister, she might have said something other than “Thank you”. Probably something with a “you” at the end, though, following with a bunch of scratching, and hair pulling. Because, you know, that’s just how blondes fight; it’s nature.
Sadly however, Sookie is telepathic, not clairvoyant, and so on she rides with the fake Cajun serial killer. At Arlene’s house, her two kids sit spellbound and terrified watching the tape that disappeared earlier in the season, of Maudette getting rapidly screwed by the bald vampire who makes a lot of weird noises during sex. Arlene enters, appears to have a mild stroke, and snatches the remote away with a “What the hell are you watchin’?!” She asks her kids where they found the tape, and after some cajoling accompanied with the evil glare of a severely pissed off parent, they tell her it’s Rene’s, and that they found it in the garage. Arlene goes through the toolbox the kids apparently took the tape from, and finds tapes labeled with several names; no doubt Maudette’s taped debasement. She also finds a cassette tape labeled “Cajun Dialect for Actors”. Oh no, might the wedding be off?! Say it ain’t so!
Sookie and Rene are just arriving back at her gran’s house, and both agree that the house is too hot to handle, so Sookie tells her murderer to relax, kick back, while she gets him an ice tea. Rene switches on the fan, the one he’d previously hung Sookie’s cat Tina from, and leans against the parlor entrance, surveying the room, and seeing the shotgun Sam had been loading the other night. Oooh. Back at the bar, Lafayette is cleaning tables and complaining about the backwoods assholes not liking his cooking, before he finds Rene/Drew’s vest, and tosses it to Sam for Lost and Found. Sam takes a whiff of it, and smells Dawn’s sheets; you know, the ones he was wallerin’ around in after she’d been dead on them for a while? Yeah, those. Yummy. Sam flips, and runs off, looking for Sookie. Her car’s parked in the lot still, but Terry is there, smoking, and Sam asks, more than a little excited, where she is. Terry tells him she headed off with Rene, and Sam takes off at a run through the woods.
In the kitchen at Sookie’s, when she asks if Rene takes his tea sweet, he pops up and tells her ‘yes, ma’am’ right before he starts having flashbacks of stabbing Gran in the kitchen. Oh boy. Sookie drops the pitcher of tea, and Rene/Drew/deranged psychopath, offers to help/murder her in cold blood. Sookie declines his friendly offer, and heads off to find a mop/firearm, while Rene/Drew follows, looking ready to rumble. Sookie grabs the gun, and the resident psychopath tells her she won’t shoot him. Apparently, this isn’t bravado, but sheer fact. Rene has removed the shells, but his nasty thoughts freak him out long enough for Sookie to use the gun like a bat and his head like a shiny new baseball. Unfortunately, Rene’s head does not pop off and fly towards centerfield, but Sookie sure tries like hell to run her bases anyway. Annnnd, she’s off, with the psycho close behind! Sookie flings the shotgun into the bushes, and heads towards the cemetery, while Rene stands on the porch calling her names.
Oddly, Rene/Drew with a plain accent sounds weird and wrong to the ears, like, maybe the actor is Creole/Cajun, or maybe we’re just so used to hearing him with an accent that it’s kind of a shock to hear him without it? Either way, he’s pissed, and catching up, while he thinks of murdering his sister. He flashes back to his sister in the bathroom, trying to cover up vampire bite marks. He tells her she can’t cover up what she’s done, and Cindy calls him a freak for watching her. Back to the high speed chase through the woods, Sookie in the lead, but psycho close on her tail. Psycho flashback again; Drew as we know him now, calls his sister a freak, loudly, and preceded by “fuckin” a few times, before Cindy tells him to get the fuck out. Sookie continues watching Drew murder his sister, in Dolby digital for the mind, and then Maudette, then Dawn, then Amy, while Drew flips out and hollers about Sookie rummaging through his mind and watching his disgusting home videos.
Sookie takes advantage of Drew’s pause for mental clarity, and looks for somewhere to hide in the cemetery. Bill is shaken awake by the sounds of Sookie in distress, just as Sam arrives in a Jeep, parking and coming out of the car in a run. He bolts into the house, sees Rene/Drew’s belt on the floor and a trail of blood leading out the door. He runs back to the porch, takes a deep breath, and runs towards the smell of blonde about to be dead. He strips on the way, so maybe he’s going to turn into something slightly more formidable than a house pet? Bill meanwhile, has crawled out of his hidey hole, and into the searing sunlight throughout his home, to help Sookie. Blisters and burns bubble all over his face and skin, and by the time he opens the door he’s groaning in pain, and looking like the worst thing a burn ward has ever seen. Determined, he ventures outside, and ambles off the porch. Also determined, Rene/Drew the Psycho-Killer, is still jogging around looking for Sookie.
Apparently, not the brightest of fiends, he hollers for Sookie and tries to seduce her with the promise of being friends. Sookie might be thick, but she isn’t retarded; then again, she is hiding in an open grave. As Rene approaches her spot, he’s thinking some pretty graphic things, that Sookie overhears from her spot in the ground. Then he thinks he lost her, and that he ought to go back in the woods to check. Up she pops, right into the waiting claws of an angry psycho. He hauls her up, and plops her down, and Sookie’s head smacks the back of a tombstone, before the front of her head meets the lunatic’s fist a couple times, as he thoroughly scolds and strangles her for being a vampire fucking bitch. Bill, bald now and charred, is stumbling through the daylight, towards the sound of screaming, and choking Sookie and screaming crazy ass Rene/Drew.
Sookie starts to slump into unconsciousness, just as Lassie, oh, I mean Sam, rushes in and jump on his back. The psycho picks up a statue of Mary and cracks the poor doggie one good one. Sam the Super Dog goes down, and Rene stands, looking a little pleased with himself, and begins drop kicking the animal, who then turns into a naked Sam. That freaks him out more than a little, and he begins kicking the unconscious, naked shapeshifter quite passionately, demanding a to know “what the fuck” he is. Bill, ambling down the hill in charbroiled zombie mode, calls for Sookie who immediately wakes up, grabs a shovel, and smacks the back of Rene/Drew’s head hard enough to knock him forward, on his face. But he’s not done yet; he hollers, grabs Sookie’s ankle, and she primes up with the shovel in the classic “I’m about to cut yer fuckin’ head off with this ‘ere shovel” move. She doesn’t quite cut his head off, he’s more like the southern equivalent of J.K. Rowling’s character “Nearly Headless Nick”. Rene/Drew is now “Nearly Headless Dick”.
Just as Sam approaches Sookie, the two remember that Bill is sizzling nearby, looking quite overdone. Sookie rushes to his side, and Bill, still alive, manages to whisper that he’s sorry. Sookie begins to bawl, and Sam rushes over, declaring that they have to get Bill out of the light. Um… duh? Sam carries Bill to the open grave, and buries him. All this, by the way, he does in the nude, which would be hot if the circumstances were different. Well, yeah, it’s still hot. Sookie wakes up later, her face varying shades of purple, to Tara, Lafayette, and Sam looking over her like the characters in the final scenes of the Wizard of Oz. Sookie tells Tara how pretty she looks, that it’s like, “someone turned a light on under her skin”. Sam basically states that the reason Sookie sounds like she’s on drugs, is because she is. Sookie tells them that Sam saved her, and turned into a dog, and Lafayette mentions he could use some drugs like that. That’s when Sam pretty much breaks up the party, and clears them out.
Sookie tells Sam what a good man he is, and Tara looks away, upset, but then Arlene runs in with flowers, while Sookie is laying there with tears on her severely fucked up face. Arlene bursts into tears, and offers a confused Sookie the flowers while Sam leans to try to comfort the traumatized woman. At the sheriff’s office, Bud Dearborn explains to Andy what’s what and that Drew Marshall, or Rene, or whoever, is the killer, and Andy gets thoroughly and properly pissed off. Bud tells him to get ahold of himself, and that since Andy brought him in, it’s his duty to let him go too. Andy is obviously still certain that it was Jason who killed the women, but Bud isn’t having it. He tells him “right now” and Andy hunkers down, and goes off like an evil troll to do what he was told.
In his cell, Jason asks Andy for a magazine because his brochure the Fellowship of the Sun is putting him to sleep, but Andy tells him to get out of there. Jason asks if it’s a trick or something, but Andy practically roars back that it’s a “god damn miracle”. Jason, no doubt coated in previously airborn Andy spit, looks up into the fluorescent bulb of his cell like he has been in fact, showered with God’s praise, instead of Andy’s drool. Oh boy. In Sookie’s living room, Arlene paces, still half crying, and asking to be forgiven for not knowing Rene/Drew was a freak from Hell, repeatedly. Arlene’s more than plenty shocked herself, that she brought him round her kids, slept with him, and so on, without knowing he was nuts, but Sookie sympathizes; even she didn’t know. Arlene asks Sookie to promise her though, that the next guy she dates, will receive a thorough mind scan from Sookie. She tries to tell Arlene that’s not how it works, but she still demands a promise from the more than a little confused near murder victim. Ah, those demanding redheads.
Arlene asks if Bill will be okay, and Sookie begins to cry, before telling Arlene, “I don’t think so”. Arlene tries to soothe her, while Lafayette leaves Tara and Sam alone on the porch to make sure Terry isn’t “PTSD’in’ all over the clam chowder”. Tara and Sam stand awkwardly apart, before Sam asks where Tara was, and explains that he left her messages. Tara, unconcerned that she hasn’t actually received any messages, tells him so, and that they don’t have to go into anything now, because of what just happened with Sookie, thanking him for being there. Sam presses ahead though, telling Tara how worried he was, and Tara says, “I’m sure you were,” still in that casual, passive voice that seems to say, “I don’t give a shit”. Maryann pulls up, and Tara goes to leave, after telling Sam that he’s amazing, he deserves everything he wants, and “so do I”. She kisses him and heads off, as Maryann approaches. Apparently, Sam knows the crazy pig lady, and asks her what the hell she’s doing there.
Maryann asks him if he really thought she wouldn’t find him, and calls poor Sam a silly dog, with a nasty little grin, and heads back to her car. Arlene is still sitting, telling Sookie she’s sorry, and that she should have known because there were things he liked to do in bed that were… yeah, anyway, before she can say anything more appalling, Jason comes in the house to check on Sookie. He hugs her, and tells her how happy he is to see her, before Sookie reminds him that she’s bruised all over and he’s squeezing her. Aww, it’s a cute little brotherly error. Another good ones is coming up, right when Jason tells Sookie that if he was still alive he’d fuckin kill him again. Arlene, looking miserable, excuses herself to cry. Jason tells Sookie that while he was in jail, he thought of all the stupid things he’d done, and Sookie, though drug addled, remarks that it must have kept him busy. The insult flies over Jason’s head as he goes on, and tells Sookie that he thought all he was good at was drinkin’ and chasin’ women, but Sookie says ‘that’s not true’. She tries to think of something else, but comes up with football, and Jason denies it, since he wasn’t good enough for a scholarship.
Jason goes on to say that all he could think was that his life wasn’t worth nothin’, and that all he could think to do was end it. Sookie begins to get concerned, but Jason interrupts and tells her that that’s when he was saved, and given another chance. He goes on to say that God made all of it happen for a reason, but when Sookie asks what the reason was, Jason admits he doesn’t know. But that he does know he was meant to do somethin’ important, and he kisses Sookie on the head, before assuring her that from now on, he’s gonna take good care of her. Sookie tells him she’d rather he just took care of himself, and stayed out of trouble. He says he will, and he stumbles off, nearly tripping over the coffee table, before assuring her from the foyer that he’s good. Jason is such a sweety, it’s a damn shame that he was born with even fewer brains than Sookie. She laughs softly as he manages to make it out of the room without killing himself.
Lafayette, back at Merlotte’s is taking out the garbage, bitching prissily about folks leaving garbage by the side of the dumpster, while something watches from the woods, then rushes up and pounces on him. Sookie is watching The Little Princess (the Shirley Temple version), while sitting up, looking lethargic, and much the worse for wear. Meanwhile, something speeds toward her house and onto the porch. As Sookie watches, the doorbell rings. She answers, and it’s Bill. Sookie, breathless, exclaims “You’re alive” and Bill, ever the wit, says, “Well, technically no,” but to hell with it, he’s not as dead as he looked earlier, so yaaay! He tells Sookie he fed, and she invites him in. He accepts, she closes the door. When Bill sees the condition she’s in, he immediately goes to bite his wrist, in order to give her blood, so that she’ll heal faster. But Sookie stops him, and tells him she just wants to feel human right now. Fuck that, I’d be like, “Okay, and did you bring any vicodin?”
Bill tries to tell Sookie that he failed her, and that he couldn’t protect her, but Sookie cuts him off, and tells him her life is “too short for all that”. They kiss and make up, thank god. Two weeks later, the staff at Merlotte’s stands around watching the news report that vampire marriage has been legalized in Vermont. Arlene pokes at Sookie and tells her now she and Bill can get hitched. Sookie blushes and her that Bill hasn’t even asked her yet. Sam goes off on a tangent about how she should marry Bill because the party would put Arlene’s to shame, and so on. Sookie stomps off, and Tara goes to Sam to lecture him on his broken tact-o-meter. She tries quoting Maryann, but Sam, who already knows the crazy bitch, doesn’t want to hear it. He asks about Lafayette instead, and mentions he’s about to lose his job. Tara tells Sam that Lafayette once disappeared to be a Go-Go dancer, so apparently, Lafayette is full of surprises. Sam mutter “fantastic” and heads off to be grumpy.
Terry and Arlene are the only ones left standing at the bar. He tells her that people never really disappear, that the good parts just stay put. Arlene, looking plenty sad, tells him she hopes he’s right. Terry in turn, compliments her hairstyle saying that it, “looks like a sunset after a bomb went off”, reassuring her after the bizarre compliment that he means, “pretty”. Arlene grins a little, hesitantly, and touches her hair. Over at the Fellowship of the Sun, people are sitting in pews listening to bullshit stream forth from the man at the podium. And standing near the front row applauding is Jason Stackhouse, who leans over to kiss his new friend’s head. At Merlotte’s, Tara is cutting a forlorn Andy off, who grouses that once, the Bellefleurs practically owned Bon Temps, even the ground the bar was built on. Tara obliges, and pours his own last drink, his “pity party” as she calls it. She starts spouting her happy go lucky shit to Andy but he tells her to save, before they have their mutual last double of Scotch.
Sookie, stylin’ and profilin’ with loose curls takes Hoyt a beer and burger, when he asks where Vampire Bill is, and if he’s off celebrating at a vampire party. Sookie tells him they’re celebrating later, together. Hoyt says he doesn’t buy into all the talk, and says if he met a nice vampire girl, he’d be proud to have her on his arm. Sookie laughs when Hoyt asks if Bill knows anyone his age, and goes on back to work. At his home across from the cemetery, Bill plays the piano, and Jessica zips in followed by Eric and Pam, who looks fabulous in a pastel greenish blue sweater suit. Bill asks Eric what’s up, and Eric looking taxed and pale, even for a vampire, says there are favors, and then there are -favors-“. Pam remedies Bill’s questioning look by stating bluntly that Jessica is extremely annoying, and Bill starts to tantrum, but sucks it up when Eric suggests he’ll take Sookie if Bill won’t deal with Jessica. That pisses him off a little, but Bill manages to clean his act up a bit. Pam rolls her eyes, ready to go, and tells Bill good luck, as the two head off, with Eric chuckling and commenting in a foreign tongue.
Jessica looks at Bill and asks who’s good to eat around here, before flashing fang. Bleh, I can see her as becoming extremely obnoxious in the second season. She giggles while Bill has that “Son of a bitch…” look on his face. At Merlotte’s Andy lays on the bar, looking pitiful. Sookie tries to get his keys, but Andy refuses, thinking that she was right about him, that he’s a pathetic loser and everyone knows it. Sookie tells him that seeing him in pain doesn’t make her happy, and she even calls him ‘Detective Bellefleur’ before she goes to call his sister to come get him. Andy, pouting, sort of comes to a bit and straightens up. Meanwhile, Sam is still stomping around the bar looking thoroughly agitated. He goes to his safe, and begins emptying it of cash, no doubt leaving because of that crazy bitch with the pig. Outside, Andy is looking for his car, while Tara and Sookie try to dissuade him from going out on the road.
Andy reassures them that he just needs his keys out of the car, but he can’t find the car. He goes on a short tirade about how the town is going to shit, before Sookie points out his car a little way off. Andy approaches, looking as if he’s trying to keep from puking, passing out, and falling down, all at once. The back door to the car is open. When Andy opens the door, a black leg, wearing red toenail polish flops out. Andy says, “that ain’t mine, I swear” and the two women begin screaming. And that, is the season finale! Woo! Meet me back here later, boys and ghouls when I get going on the second season! Yeehaw!