Ten Things to Do Now That You’re Immortal
1. Decide what kind of eating habits you’re going to have; will you be drinking human blood or animal blood? Hey you won’t find any judgment here, but honestly, if you plan to drink human blood, start with all the really unnecessary people, like meter maids, IRS agents, and insurance salesmen.
2. Invest; you’re going to live forever, so whatever you have in the bank now, you should invest in either Internet companies, or an interest building bank account. If it takes a while for anything to pay off, don’t worry. You have all the time in the world.
3. Hook up with a wealthy familiar. You should have mind control powers by now, and if you don’t you can always just rely on your predatory instincts and lightning fast reflexes to snag a rich debutante, or a multi-billionaire. You’ll need this person for your guard during the daylight hours, –assuming you have no way to stay out in the daytime, –possibly food, shelter, or travel. Humans are a major asset for the undead.
4. Play extreme sports, or take an interest in high risk hobbies, like sky diving and rock climbing. It’ll keep you in shape, and you’ll be constantly challenging your already powerful physical reflexes and strength. Besides, it’s not like it can hurt you, right?
5. If the traditional running water rules are false, take an interest in diving, –you don’t need to breathe, so you will probably end up being an excellent swimmer. Try to find Atlantis. And don’t worry about sharks, –a shark would have to be insane to take you on!
6. Flex the good old grey matter; maybe you weren’t all that sharp as a human, or didn’t have time to do much reading. Well, now you do. And you can catch up on decades worth of films you never saw.
7. Create progeny; very important. Now that you’re immortal, surely you’ll want to spread the wealth. Don’t pick boring people though, like your neighbor, or the mailman. Aim high, go for Paris Hilton, or Brad Pitt, –although, who knows, they don’t exactly seem to be aging either, so maybe they’re taken. Pick someone you think the world might not mind having around for a while, –like Britney, or that spastic gay guy who stalks her.
8. Fight crime! If you’re at a loss on who to feed on, choose evil people, like terrorists, serial killers, and Oprah. You can stop heists, avert murderers and rapists, and even snuff out televangelism!
9. Travel. Hell, you can live permanently at the Four Seasons in Bali now if you wanted to, as long as your trusted familiar takes care of your travel arrangements.
10. Start your own fashion line and convince the masses once and for all that vampires do not dress like villains in a Dickens novel, or like PVC fetishists.