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The Count Returns

Last week I performed what has become an annual rite: I purchased my first box of Count Chocula cereal. Yes, as all the Halloween stuff starts hitting store shelves about mid-summer—and this is the only case of such “too-early” product placement that doesn’t annoy me (I swear a couple of years ago I saw Easter merchandise out on the shelves at a Dollar Tree—in NOVEMBER!)—I know that the beloved Monster cereals won’t be far behind. Of the three, Count Chocula is my favorite, and not just because he is based on Dracula. I like the taste better, too. That doesn’t mean I don’t love FrankenBerry and Boo Berry, too. (When I was a kid I’d have my mother always buy me Boo Berry, because it seemed to me that FrankenBerry and Count Chocula always got most of the attention and I felt sorry for Boo Berry. Today it seems the spotlight is shared more evenly between the three monsters.)

As an aside, did you know Count Chocula’s first name was “Alfred”? It’s true.

This year, Funko—of COURSE it would be Funko—is bringing us the classic big three rendered as Pez dispensers. There will even be dispensers in the image of Fruit Brute and Yummy Mummy. They’ll run you a wee bit more than a box of cereal, but you know you’ll buy them anyway. I know I will.

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (,, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase here:


TheCheezman • September 21, 2018

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