The Ever-Bleeding Scalp
A few months back I bought myself a stainless steel razor. I’ve used electric razors in the past and they worked fine for a while, but the blades would get dull far too quickly for my liking, and since it cost just as much to buy new blades for one of those things as it does to buy the razor in the first place, it just wasn’t cost-effective. Nope, I’m a *real* blade man. But I hated how I’d have to keep throwing those disposable razors away after one use. (I shave my whole head, I should note, not just my face, and this dulls a blade rather faster than merely shaving one’s face.) All that plastic in the landfill. So I bought myself a permanent razor, where the only thing I would have to replace is the razorblades every once in a while. I named my new razor the Iron Butterfly, since it had a butterfly-type top, one that opens like a butterfly’s wings to allow me to remove the blade.
Despite being labeled a “safety” razor, Iron Butterfly more often than not cuts the hell out of me. It’s way more dangerous to my scalp than those cheap disposables. I walk around with cuts constantly and, as I cannot have a scab and *not* pick at it, I am almost always bleeding, albeit just a tiny bit. The other day I started thinking. Are vampires like sharks, I wondered. The way a shark can smell one little drop of blood in like a million gallons of water. Does this mean that vampires can smell me from miles away?
I rather hope so. I’ll let you all know if any decide to pay me a visit.
WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced, and directed (and occasionally acted in) over two dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and True Crime genres. He obtained a doctorate in Occult Studies from Miskatonic University and is an active paranormal investigator. Is frequently told he resembles Anton Lavey. And Ming the Merciless.
Denn die totden reiten schnell!