The Staypuft Surprise

When I saw these had arrived on the shelves at my local Target I of course had to grab one. I have to commend the makers of this toy, whether it was Santa and his elves up at the North Pole or some little kids in sweatshops in some Third-World country. (I really would prefer if it were Santa and the elves. The product comes to us from Hasbro, a company with a good rep, so it’s probably Santa and his workers.) The little figure I got in the little tub is adorable, but it wasn’t the adorableness of the little Staypuft Man that left the greatest impression on me.

The advertisement states: “DIG IN TO GOOEY GHOSTBUSTERS FUN: Boys and girls ages 4 and up will love getting icky while digging through the gooey marshmallow-like compound inside each can to discover which Mini-Puft Surprise figure is hidden within.” Now friends, when they say “marshmallow-like” they ain’t kiddin’. The sticky stuff looks and feels EXACTLY like melted marshmallow. You wanna talk about sticky! Yes, the goop does wash off under a faucet—after a little scrubbing. Sure kids are gonna love it. I loved it. But I’m imagining parents in homes with longhaired pets or shag carpeting doing plenty of cussing. PLENTY of cussing. All you 80s kids remember the Masters of the Universe Slime Pit neon green slime? This is waaaaaaay stickier and goopier than that.

By TheCheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced, and directed (and occasionally acted in) over two dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and True Crime genres. He obtained a doctorate in Occult Studies from Miskatonic University and is an active paranormal investigator. Is frequently told he resembles Anton Lavey. And Ming the Merciless. Denn die totden reiten schnell!

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