The Traveling Zombie Nativity T-Shirt
I intended the title to this post to be an “homage” to that “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants” thing. (Is it a book? A movie? Both? I have no idea. I just know I’ve heard of it, and it made me wonder how a pair of pants can “travel.”) It isn’t really accurate, though, as the T-shirt in question has not “wandered” anywhere. Remember the Zombie Nativity? The folks who put it up every year (they maintain that this past holiday season would be the last) were unfairly harassed by the small-minded local politicos, who didn’t care for the “sacrilegious” display. It became something of a fight for the freedom of individual liberties and of expression, as the owners of the Zombie Nativity took on City Hall and, despite what the old saying tells you, won. Even so, they amassed some hefty legal bills in the process. They started an online fundraiser to help them out. If you donated a certain amount, you’d get a Zombie Nativity T-shirt. I could use a Zombie Nativity T-shirt, I reasoned, and the money supposedly went to a good cause, so I made a donation.
The T-shirt never came. The online fundraiser page has disappeared. I kid you not, I have contacted the Zombie Nativity proprietors a half-dozen times, at least, inquiring about the shirt, to be guaranteed that they would ship it to me, asking for my shirt size and address. It never came, nor will it. Going on two years after the fact, I have abandoned all hope of it.
Oh, well. I can afford to lose a little cash to make a statement about freedom, to give a symbolic middle finger to the prigs of the world. And at least I got an article out of the deal, right? Here’s to you, then, Zombie Nativity T-shirt that I never received. We could have been so good together.
WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (www.evilcheezproductions.blogspot.com, www.facebook.com/evilcheezproductions), specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase here: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/734763
MORTUI VELOCES SUNT!