The Vampires Diaries Season 3 Premiere!

The Vampire Diaries – The Birthday

It starts up with Elena, woooohooo! Partay! As in like, Stefan and Klaus off killing people in Memphis. But cheer up; less than five minutes into the show, Damon presents himself as a bubbly naked present. God. I want -that- for Christmas. So basically, what Klaus is trying to do, is track down more werewolves, in order to propagate the new species. Why he can’t do this with vampires is variable; I’m guessing that since they’re already technically dead, they can’t mutate into anything else. They can’t actually get re-undead. With help from all the supporting cast, Damon, Elena, and Alaric Saltzman are hot on his trail. And guess who’s helping? Of all people, Caroline’s mom.

Damon and Alaric track Stefan and Klaus, and find two of his victims in Tennessee, –in pieces. The thing is, these victims aren’t just your average run-of-the-mill damsels in distress. They’re werewolves. And Ray is part of the pack. Klaus and Stefan torture Ray in the middle of a bar, in front of all the glamoured patrons, for information on where the pack meets. So is Klaus trying to kill all the werewolves, or …turn them? Klaus turns Stefan loose to investigate, and Stefan promises to get Damon off their trail. And back at the mansion, there’s a gigantic party. Damon and Elena are looking… really cute. Gotta say.

Illicit drugs are apparently back in Jeremy’s life, and surprisingly they manage to find their way into Matt’s too. Somehow this becomes Alaric’s problem, and by the way, he’s been honorary dad all summer, apparently. But back on track. What’s Stefan up to? Well, apparently he plans to disfigure/dismember Andie, –Damon’s girlfriend. She’s not so much a girlfriend as she is a mature lady-friend… who he has sex with. Damon is headed off to pick her up, –will he rescue her… or find a dead body?! The suspense! Well, Stefan kills Andie. And this -really- bothers Damon. Proof that in his own shallow way, he did actually care about Andie. Damon has been opening up more and more as the show progresses.

Elena discovers Damon’s closet though, –he’d been tracking Stefan and Klaus on his own. He didn’t want to tell her because Stefan has turned full “ripper”. He’s been tracking Stefan’s victims, specifically. And of course, he ends up sharing this with Elena. In subplot land, Jeremy and Tyler, after a drunken and stoned evening at Elena’s party, have share time. Matt doesn’t believe Jeremy is really seeing ghosts, –which is hilarious, considering that he does believe in vampires and werewolves, what with having seen that they exist firsthand. Oh and witches. But ghosts?! That’s just -silly.- And to top off this awful birthday, Alaric is moving out! Or at least, off the couch. He’s leaving Elena to sort it out alone.

The show wraps up with Caroline and Tyler doin’ it, Elena getting a call from Stefan, –she tells him she loves him and to hang in there (I’m paraphrasing, guys), –and Damon trashing Stefan’s room. Subplots are swirling around like mad, and they’ve just kicked off with a huge cliffhanger: while Caroline is trying to sneak out, Mrs. Lockwood catches her. And not only is it an incredibly awkward moment, but… Mrs. Lockwood has planted a trap. She put something (vervain?) on Caroline’s purse, and as soon as she reaches for it, and burns herself, Mrs. Lockwood pumps like four vervain tranquilizer darts into poor Caroline. Oh gosh, please don’t let them kill Caroline! I still love that character.