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The Zombie Squid

I dig on Chinese food, but there’s this one restaurant I know where the food is good and the buffet is plentiful, yet I can’t go near the salad bar because they have dead baby octopuses. It’s both sad and gross. Octopuses have so much personality. Also, they are predators, and I maintain that one should never eat a predator—much less eat one RAW. I once tried to eat a fried calamari and it came back to life in my mouth, wrapping its deep-fried tentacles around my uvula in an attempt to choke me. I had to use a chopstick to poke it down my gullet. No more fried calamari for me. I can only imagine the dangers of trying to eat a raw, potentially undead octopus.

Because I know how cephalopods are prone to rising from the dead anyway, this doesn’t surprise me. A dead cuttlefish, revived by soy sauce. Who knew that soy sauce did for cephalopods what tana leaves do for mummies or blood does for vampires? I would have never tried odori-don anyway—that’s Japanese for “undead squid” in case you didn’t know—but after watching this video, fuggedaboutit. I’m liable to start avoiding sushi, even, after this.

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (,, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase here:


TheCheezman • July 16, 2018

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