Friends, I must apologize. I sincerely hope none of you tried to purchase one of those vampire mugs I reported on a while back. Or the zombie wallet, which I did end up ordering. Because it was all a scam. When I went in to track my order, to see when I might expect it to arrive, I found that the entire website no longer exists. I also found the zombie wallet. The photograph of the item used for the ad. It was on etsy and selling for 200 bucks. Some con artist had just taken the picture and then set up a scam website. I was a sucker. I got taken.

But Mr. Con Artist kinda messed up. What Mr. Con Artist didn’t know is that his patsy, Mr. Cheezman, just so happens to be married to Mrs. Bank Executive. Mrs. Bank Executive deals with such scams every single day. Mrs. Bank Executive has Mr. FBI’s telephone number on speed-dial. The bank refunded my money that very same day. Now it is Mr. Bank’s money that Mr. Con Artist stole, not mine. And Mr. Bank has all kinds of deep pockets to see to it that Mr. Con Artist doesn’t get away with it. Mr. Bank knows Mr. FBI personally. And Mr. FBI knows Mr. Interpol. And both of them are now busy looking for Mr. Con Artist. Mr. Con Artist picked the wrong patsy.

Friends, if you’ve ever been scammed, got to your bank. What you need to do is have your banker “dispute the charge.” Then you will get your money back, and Mr. Bank can hand things off to Mr. FBI and Mr. Interpol.

By TheCheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced, and directed (and occasionally acted in) over two dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and True Crime genres. He obtained a doctorate in Occult Studies from Miskatonic University and is an active paranormal investigator. Is frequently told he resembles Anton Lavey. And Ming the Merciless. Denn die totden reiten schnell!

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