Trent Reznor Decides NOT to Eat Abe Lincoln’s Mom

I don’t think it would be in good character to blame anyone for ‘jumping the gun’ and saying that Reznor had already taken the part. But I’m going to do it anyway. When did responsible journalism die? I find the news, it says Trent Reznor’s accepting a role in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, and then, I’ll be damned if reports don’t stream in later, saying that he’s decided not to take it. Furthermore, a week after I did the original post here on Vampires, a bunch of other sites had confirmed that he was taking it. Now it is my unfortunate, and embarrassing duty to inform you all, dear, delicious readers, that the Prince of Perversion, Trent Reznor, will not be joining in the fun on the set of AL:VH, one of the most promising vampire films to be released in 2012, which is also, the year the world is supposed to end.

I also feel slightly irresponsible for getting everyone’s hopes up, and if I had the ability to contact Reznor directly, I would have asked him myself if he intended to take the part. reports, and apologizes, –if you can call it that:

UPDATE: Just kidding, you guys. Unfortunately, Trent Reznor will not be scoring or appearing in the 20th Century Fox’s Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Apparently we jumped the gun a bit before Reznor made up his mind. Now he has and has publicly stated that he will not be taking part in the picture. It seems as though it’s nothing personal, purely a business decision. Oh well, it would’ve been cool to have Reznor’s darkness permeate through the somber, foggy hills as Lincoln brandishes his ax and chops away at undead corpses and wow, that got a little too fan fiction-y. Sorry dudes.

EARLIER: Sure, why not. Let’s have Trent Reznor, the recently Oscar-crowned composer of The Social Network and Nine Inch Nails frontman, not only scoreAbraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, but also act in it as well. Prior to hearing his Social Network score last year I would never have thought this possible. After hearing it, I could see him scoring it. And even after he won the Oscar I figured he’d be in demand for musical contributions to films so I could see him taking this high profile gig.

But I never thought we’d see him act. Guess he’s going for the EGOT. We don’t know what part he’ll play but does it even matter? No, of course not. What does matter is that Reznor is back to being cool so you can totally go ahead with that NIN tattoo you drew on your arm in ‘96.”

“Just kidding”? Right, whatever; you guys know for a fact that you just followed along with the rest of the sensational bloggers, and got duped, along with the rest of us. I sure as hell hope no one went out and got that frigging tattoo! And poor Reznor, what with that comment about him being cool again, -sure, maybe Trent Reznor will be cool again. Although, his coolness is most likely going to be in the more literal format, when he’s spotted standing in front of a refrigerator, or setting his thermostat to 60 F, in the spring. Because let’s face it: There’s Marilyn Manson, and there’s Trent Reznor. And we all know who Trent wanted to be when he grew up. And sorry to say kids, instead of ending up as another Manson, Reznor turned out composing music for the most retarded movie to -ever- grace the cinema: The Social Network. With any luck, he’ll be contracted to do music for the movie about MSN Messenger, or Google next. Oh goodie. There’s a word for people like Trent Reznor: it’s ‘Gwen Stefani’.

By annimi

Ashley writes for,, and other sites in the Darksites Network. She's involved in several seedy and disreputable activities, smokes too much, and spends her late nights procrastinating for work on her first novel.


  1. You do know that Marilyn Manson was the one who dreamed of working with Trent right? And that Trent was famous before Manson and he was also the one who helped him produce a few of his records

  2. Pingback: True Blood Sucker

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