First: Spoiler Alert! for anyone, living on the moon, or Mars, or Alaska, who hasn’t seen season 3 of True Blood yet. Now, moving on. One of my favorite subjects is, and always has been epitaphs; famous epitaphs, Latin epitaphs, and very sad epitaphs. Generally, I have something of a theme for each part of the True Blood Memorium I perform. This Memorium will be set to the art of the Latin epitaph. Each epitaph will have the original Latin phrase, followed by the translation and author, for each of our dearly departed. Bow your heads.
Lorena Krasiki – Lorena, still in love and in hate with Bill, wanted it all; the world, the blood, and the love of a good man. But she could only spread evil, until she met her end at the hands of someone with inferior strength, but superior goodness and love.
Pars maior lacrimas ridet et intus habet – You smile at your own tears but keep them in your heart. (Martialis)
Russell Edgington – Perhaps not dead, but certainly won’t be doing any living anytime soon; Russell Edgington, buried alive until he stops twitching.
Pulvis et umbra sumus – We are dust and shadow. (Horace)
Magnus – One of my favorite characters, I cried when the Magister, or Magnus, died. His head was chopped off by Russell Edgington. I chose the Latin sundial motto, because Magnus was always checking his smartphone.
Omnes vulnerant, ultima necat – All (hours) wound, the last one kills (unknown)
Talbot – Killed by Eric, poor Talbot was sweet, and committed no obvious or unspeakable crimes; he cared nothing for Edgington’s plans, and only wanted to please his mate. He may have escaped death for a while, as a vampire, but didn’t quite make it to eternity.
Quod differtur, non aufertur – That which is postponed is not dropped. Inevitable is yet to happen. (Sir Thomas More)
Franklin Mott – Completely insane, Franklin Mott desperately wanted Tara to be his vampire bride, and his lover. Perhaps, if he hadn’t been insane, Tara might have stayed with him. He was killed by Jason Stackhouse, when shot with wooden bullets.
Acclinis falsis animus meliora recusat – The mind intent upon false appearances refuses to admit better things (Horace)
Cooter – Coot, or Cooter as he hated to be called, was evil, and he earned his end; hopefully he reached peaceful non-existence.
Abyssus abyssum invocat – Hell calls hell; one mistep leads to another (unknown)
Gus – Oh Gus; you were only with us for a short time, but in that short space of time, I think you demonstrated why it’s not a good idea to chase after southerners… or southern vampires. Next time, avoid the peer pressure.
A fronte praecipitium a tergo lupi – A precipice in front, wolves behind (between a rock and a hard place)
Calvin Norris – Sadly, Calvin was killed by a member of his own family; his nephew Felton shot him, and kidnapped his daughter, who gave herself up to save Jason Stackhouse, and her family.
Acerrima proximorum odia – The hatred of those most nearly connected is the bitterest of all (Tacit)
In nomine Patris, et fillii, et Spiritus Sancti.
I’d like to state, last but not least, that this idea was stolen from me by HBO, –who never contact us, nor do they sponsor us in any way. Furthermore, they seem to just generally refuse to acknowledge that we exist. So I’ve included their ‘memoriam’ video below.