First off, what a seriously mistitled episode. “Hell”? Not hardly. The episode is your standard paranormal investigation-type show, the kind that I normally find boring. (Having been involved in paranormal investigations myself, I can say that I find these guys more credible than Bagans and his crew, but the GHOST NATION crew still talks a whole lot more than anyone would in a real investigation, and they for sure play it all up for the camera.) What made this one stand out was the setting: Seaview Terrace, the sprawling New England mansion that served as the set (well, the exterior did) for the original DARK SHADOWS. It was neat getting to see so much of “Collinwood”, and some parts of the house do resemble the sets from the classic TV series, though not exactly.

As far as the allegations that a “self-professed warlock” had opened a portal to Hell in the house, *horse* and *shit.* If the show had offered anything like a genuine journalistic investigation, we would have heard from this “warlock”, or at least heard his name. We would have gotten details of this alleged conjuration. If you read between the lines of what the people in the episode said, you can piece together what was really going on.

Here’s what really happened, I think. First, the owner of the house is given to a lot of imagination. I do believe she found a “six-pointed star” design on the floor of one of the rooms. (Note that such a design is NOT the standard inverted pentagram often used in black magic rituals.) But somebody on the show kinda let it slip that the “warlock” who performed the “ritual” was just a nutty DARK SHADOWS fan. Peeps, this was no ritual to open a Hellmouth. It was a DS cosplaying session!

I’m willing to believe that there are spirits at Seaview Terrace. It’d be a shame if there weren’t. But there were no nefarious rituals and there are no portals to the underworld. Just a Nicholas Blair wannabe and an overactive imagination.

But hey, wasn’t it ironic that the basement where the guys were investigating just happened to be where the owners store all their Halloween decorations and props?

By TheCheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced, and directed (and occasionally acted in) over two dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and True Crime genres. He obtained a doctorate in Occult Studies from Miskatonic University and is an active paranormal investigator. Is frequently told he resembles Anton Lavey. And Ming the Merciless. Denn die totden reiten schnell!

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