Easily the best episode of this series on the Travel Channel (with the possible exception of the episode dedicated to the Jack the Ripper murders, which for whatever reason never aired, or else my TiVo failed to record it), this episode dedicated to the vampire panic-slash-epidemic that (intermittently) swept over New England for roughly two centuries satisfied in a way none of the others have been able to. They brought in a baseball statistician, and he was able to prove conclusively that vampires did in fact prey on the New Englanders, and that the means employed by the beleaguered locals to rid themselves of the pestilence were in fact effective.

Yeah, no. I’m making fun of LEGEND HUNTER’s episode dedicated to the Lizzie Borden murders, wherein they revealed “startling new evidence” that Lizzie was really innocent of those hatchet jobs, evidence revealed by—wait for it!—a baseball statistician! Well, my auto mechanic says she did it, so there. So does my wife’s hairdresser. And they’re every bit as qualified to comment on the case as a baseball statistician!

Anyway, “Vampires of New England” was a much better episode, although once again host Pat Spain didn’t really do anything. Still, the show provided a nice overview of the incident and the history involved, and did make mention of a few things with which I wasn’t previously familiar. Granted I could watch people talking about vampires ad nauseam, even if they’re covering familiar territory.

As long as one of the ones doing the talking isn’t a baseball statistician.

By TheCheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced, and directed (and occasionally acted in) over two dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and True Crime genres. He obtained a doctorate in Occult Studies from Miskatonic University and is an active paranormal investigator. Is frequently told he resembles Anton Lavey. And Ming the Merciless.

Denn die totden reiten schnell!

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