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Undead Bread

The dead are rising. And so is the yeast.

Hey, that’d make a great catchphrase for a chintzy Horror flick, wouldn’t it? Something that Full Moon and Charles Band would make. It would probably cross over with their Gingerdead Man series at some point. I’d watch it.

So we have Zombie Bread this week and we have Revenant Bread. (I can’t call it Vampire Bread because it doesn’t drink blood. I’m fairly certain bread CAN’T drink blood. Unless someone dropped a slice IN some blood. Then it would soak it up, so in that sense it would be “drinking” it.) What’s the difference? The Zombie Bread hasn’t held up all that well. First baked 2000 years ago in the city of Pompeii, right before a tsunami of blistering volcanic ash engulfed it, preserving it for the ages, it’s still identifiable as bread—but would you really want to take a bite of it?

The Revenant Bread rose from the dead after a whopping 14,500 years. The Revenant Bread really smoked the Zombie Bread on that one! The former was discovered in a stone hearth in Jordan, and provides definitive proof that primitive humans were making bread even before they were growing crops to make bread. The Revenant Bread was reborn when scientists recreated the recipe. Not surprisingly, they reported that it didn’t taste all that great.

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (www.evilcheezproductions.blogspot.com, www.facebook.com/evilcheezproductions), specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase here: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/734763

MORTUI VELOCES SUNT!

TheCheezman • July 24, 2018


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