Vampire Fish vs. Dracula Fish

If you ask me, they need to swap the names of these two different species. The Dracula Fish of Myanmar, or DANIONELLA DRACULA, is the smaller of the pair, and decidedly less scary-looking. Named after the legendary Count (I told y’all this was a big week for Dracula news) because of its prominent, albeit small, fangs (which aren’t really teeth at all, but bony protuberances of its little jaws), the fish is alternately called the more diminutive Dracula “minnow” and has been reported to attack people in eastern Europe. Reported by the Weekly World News, that is, so you know it’s true. One positive, though, is that you can keep a pet Dracula Fish in your aquarium. Just keep the tank out of direct sunlight and away from any crucifixes hanging on your walls.

The Vampire Fish (HYDROLICUS ARMATUS), or Payara (Pandira in Portuguese/ Brazilian), on the other hand, looks freakin’ terrifying. Or it would if it were bigger, say, shark-sized. As it is, it’s still pretty menacing. It has two huge ass honkin’ teeth—the fact that they protrude from the fish’s LOWER jaws notwithstanding—and they are described as particularly “aggressive” and as “silver missiles with an attitude.” And, to further confuse things, they ARE alternately called the “Dracula Fish.” I suppose some anglers feel the same way I do, about the names needing to be swapped. Howzabout we just have the BIG Dracula Fish and the LITTLE Dracula Fish? Who’s up for a changing of the taxonomic designations?

By TheCheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced, and directed (and occasionally acted in) over two dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and True Crime genres. He obtained a doctorate in Occult Studies from Miskatonic University and is an active paranormal investigator. Is frequently told he resembles Anton Lavey. And Ming the Merciless. Denn die totden reiten schnell!

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