Vampire Movies That Really Suck
…And I should know, I’ve seen a ton of them, –really, wicked horrible flicks. I don’t always get a chance to see -every- vampire movie, but trust me, I’ve definitely seen some of the worst. If you’re the kind of person who loves really, really stupid horror movies, because they’re funny, or just cool to watch, hey, great for you. I occasionally don’t mind sitting through something incredibly ridiculous either, –like After Dark Films’ ‘Nightmare Man’, for example. But sometimes, like the rest of us, we just crave something better. Avoid or seek these with caution:
Blood Angels (2004) -Probably the second lowest budget film on this list, it was pretty cheap all the same. But I believe there is some nudity in it, which might just be its saving grace. If there isn’t any nudity, then I’m really sorry for getting your hopes up. But there are still girls in skintight fetish-wear.
Van Helsing (2004) – All I have to say about this movie is: vampire babies. Vampire babies powered by electricity. Vampire babies brought to life by Frankenstein. …and Hugh Jackman.
Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter (2001) – My boss loves this movie, –plenty of the people on staff probably do. I tried so hard to get into the whole “it’s so bad it’s good” funk with this movie, but I couldn’t do it. It was just “so bad”, there was no good. None.
Embrace of the Vampire (1995) – The only reason I listed this movie is because I have personal grudge against Alyssa Milano. She couldn’t act to save her life, and I hate having her anywhere near my precious vampire genre.
The Lost Boys: The Tribe (2008) – It wasn’t that bad, but honestly, it was pretty damn bad. This movie is probably part of the reason Corey Haim is dead; after seeing this, it’s pretty damn easy to lose the will to live. Especially if you were part of the effing amazing original.