Vampire Weekend Sucks (Not in the Good Way)
Yeah, this is a hard lesson to all vampire fans, everywhere; just because the word ‘vampire’ is in it, doesn’t mean it’s a good thing. Sadly, I think this was the band’s main way of attracting listeners. A bunch of Polo-wearing, towel-snapping party boys got together and decided they could be really popular if they somehow incorporated vampires into their music. But how? Well, apparently, making music that vampire fans would like was completely out of the question, they settled on their boy band name.
All the other openly gay names were taken, I guess. I’m not one of those reviewers who point and laugh at music I haven’t even heard; I’ve been subjected to many Vampire Weekend songs, in the quest to find great vampire news, and tidbits for my bloodthirsty readers. Rather than wasting my time trying to come up with ten thousand synonyms for “putrid” and “terminally cheerful” I think I’ll let someone else do it for me.
World-Class Shitty has this to say about Vampire Weekend’s god-awful racket:
“Nothing oozes rock nâ roll authenticity like the Ivy League and, according to Wikipedia, the fellows in Vampire Weekend met while attending Columbia University. As you likely know, the members of The Replacements met while attending a debutante ball during their sophomore year at Dartmouth College and Westerberg wrote âWhite and Lazyâ about the job his father secured for him trading commodities futures at Lehman Brothers.
Wikipedia also states that the albumâs title, Contra, was chosen by the band to contrast with that of The Clashâs 1980 magnum opus, Sandinista!. This is indeed a fitting contrast as The Clashâs rock nâ roll authenticity makes the spuriousness of Vampire Weekendâs privileged, private-school-boy pop stand out like a WASP dowagerâs pinkie at an Upper West Side fundraising tea party.”
Here, here! Oh, and the next time you’re actually looking for music that’s stomach-churningly preppy, just pop in your niece’s latest Kidz Bop mix: they even take out all the questionable lyrics, and most of the children singing are far more talented.