Vampire Weekend Sucks (Not in the Good Way)

Yeah, this is a hard lesson to all vampire fans, everywhere; just because the word ‘vampire’ is in it, doesn’t mean it’s a good thing. Sadly, I think this was the band’s main way of attracting listeners. A bunch of Polo-wearing, towel-snapping party boys got together and decided they could be really popular if they somehow incorporated vampires into their music. But how? Well, apparently, making music that vampire fans would like was completely out of the question, they settled on their boy band name.

All the other openly gay names were taken, I guess. I’m not one of those reviewers who point and laugh at music I haven’t even heard; I’ve been subjected to many Vampire Weekend songs, in the quest to find great vampire news, and tidbits for my bloodthirsty readers. Rather than wasting my time trying to come up with ten thousand synonyms for “putrid” and “terminally cheerful” I think I’ll let someone else do it for me.

World-Class Shitty has this to say about Vampire Weekend’s god-awful racket:

“Nothing oozes rock n’ roll authenticity like the Ivy League and, according to Wikipedia, the fellows in Vampire Weekend met while attending Columbia University. As you likely know, the members of The Replacements met while attending a debutante ball during their sophomore year at Dartmouth College and Westerberg wrote “White and Lazy” about the job his father secured for him trading commodities futures at Lehman Brothers.

Wikipedia also states that the album’s title, Contra, was chosen by the band to contrast with that of The Clash’s 1980 magnum opus, Sandinista!. This is indeed a fitting contrast as The Clash’s rock n’ roll authenticity makes the spuriousness of Vampire Weekend’s privileged, private-school-boy pop stand out like a WASP dowager’s pinkie at an Upper West Side fundraising tea party.”

Here, here! Oh, and the next time you’re actually looking for music that’s stomach-churningly preppy, just pop in your niece’s latest Kidz Bop mix: they even take out all the questionable lyrics, and most of the children singing are far more talented.

By annimi

Ashley writes for,, and other sites in the Darksites Network. She's involved in several seedy and disreputable activities, smokes too much, and spends her late nights procrastinating for work on her first novel.


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  2. I loooooooooooooooooove vampire weekend. They are so great live! and they were around long before the whole vampire fad. They took their name from a film their friend made called vampire weekend. they rock <3

    1. Ah, no, no they don’t rock. I’m a big Vampire fan and I have Vampire Weekend’s debut album and let me tell ya, honey, it sucks!!! And no, not in the good way!!! It’s just terrible…I mean… it’s just completley awful from first track to the last! They have no soul! (Ha how ironic and they’re called vampires) They are a corporate puppet band with a Jew in the band who got lucky and the Jewish entertainment industry picked them up in favour of the Jew, because Jews stick together and they hash out any shit that they think is, good when in reality it’s not!

  3. What is the point of taking cheap personal shots at them?

    If you don’t like their music then you don’t like their music. You don’t need to make a personal comment to show the dislike for the music.

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  5. Okay…
    Vmpire weekend was around long before the Vampire craze.
    There music is amazing. The live versions literally sound no different from the recordings.
    They are super talented. And I think the band members are preppy and maybe soem of the listeners too, but with all the african and Caribbean influence (hence the happiness) I don’t really think the music is preppy or waspy.

  6. This is so narrow minded. Vampire Weekend was long around before your so called vampire craze, and trust me, they aren’t trying to attract your attention. And your use of the word gay as a derogatory term is offensive. If you’re going to write something, at least try to sound professional.

  7. Vampire weekend is absolute garbage. All you people that like them have unbelievably awful taste and I’m sure thats a theme in other aspects of your life. It’s not an opinion, it’s a fact. Trust me because I’m sure that if we met in person you would see that I am much cooler than any of you.

    1. Vampire Weekend formed in fucking 2006, long before the ‘vampire craze’. The band was named after a brief, homemade movie the lead vocalist shot in his backyard. I’m not sure what your deal is, but Vampire Weekend is the best band out there right now, believe it or not. I’m thinking you’re just one of those people who either listen to only new, typical pop music, or dark, depressing music (i’m guessing the latter). It’s 2011 and still Vampire Weekend is successful, in fact they’re working on a third album. I’m not sure why you felt the need to harshly insult this band only because you mistakenly convinced yourself that they named themselves that for attention, but you need to grow up. Please.

  8. As a real music fan, I feel it’s my duty to tell people when a band sucks. I’m fighting the good fight. Otherwise, people might not know. This band sucks.

    1. Ahhahahaha this is hilarious.
      So you think that your opinion is the only one that matters, and if anyone else thinks differently they’re wrong?
      You’re such an idiot.
      People can listen to whatever they want and enjoy, regardless of whether or not you and your inflated ego agree. You’re the one who is wrong. No music is inherently bad.
      In music, there are only opinions. Don’t go around preaching that you know everything there is to know about music when, if you did, you wouldn’t say “this band sucks”.

      Sincerely, a real music fan

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